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TPO- 54 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO- 54 Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Funding of government on things that would benefit our countrymen are integral. Such funding can go a long way if it will be allocated properly in organization that needed it the most. In my opinion, government supporting the athletics would greatly benefit our young generation such as sponsoring the Olympic team in the Philippines. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, sports here in the Philippines are not well funded by the government. Higher officials don' t believe that sports have great positive effects on the overall well being of the players and the whole country. Many sports athletes are very talented but their talents and skills are not appreciated by the government. For example, Our Philippine team in weight lifting has a great athletes, she is really good but as she says in the interview in the local news our Philippine government did not shell out enough support for the weight lifting team. With regards to equipment, training facilities and financial support for the team. As a result, only one player shined in the Olympic event and she won Bronze medal. Right after her winning the Bronze medal, our president immediately responded to the plea of the athletes here in the Philippines. Winning in prestigious competition like in Olympics is a great honor and pride for our country. Hence, our athletes now can compete to the world without any fear of losing due to they are able to train with the utmost specialized trainer and equipment needed in order for them to succeed. Secondly, funding for the arts are not that important compared to the giving support to the sports. As a matter of fact, many private companies are sponsoring many artists for their training and workshops for their crafts to be more useful, so, funding of the government is not really necessary. For instance, here in RCBC tower, every month the private companies have an art gallery exhibit for some artists and they help them to sell their paintings for the public. They allow the artists to use their venue for free as an art exhibit for the artists to showcase their talents and for the public to see their art. Many local artists are helped by this generous company and some of them are well know today as great painters in the Philippines. This illustrates that funding of the government is not needed by arts because many companies are willing to help them succeed in their careers. To summarize, I strongly believed that the funds should be allocated in sports because only the government can help them to become the best athletes they can be and the government can benefit a lot if the Philippine team wins in foreign competitions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Funding
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on things that would benefit our countrymen are integral. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
can go a long way if it will
be allocated
properly
in organization that needed it the most. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supporting the athletics would
greatly
benefit our young generation such as sponsoring the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
in the Philippines. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
here in the Philippines are not well funded by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Higher officials
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the
overall
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the players and the whole country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
talented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their talents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are not appreciated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
For example
, Our Philippine
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
team in weight
lifting has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "athlete"?
athletes
, she is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as she says in the interview in the local news our Philippine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
did not shell out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
support for the weight lifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
equipment, training facilities and financial support for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one player shined in the Olympic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
event and
she won Bronze medal. Right after her winning the Bronze medal, our president immediately responded to the plea of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
here in the Philippines. Winning in prestigious competition like in Olympics is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
honor and pride for our country.
Hence
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can compete to the world without any fear of losing due to they are able to train with the utmost specialized trainer and equipment needed in order for them to succeed.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are not that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
compared to the giving support to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are sponsoring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
for their training and workshops for their crafts to be more useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is not
really
necessary.
For instance
, here in
Possible spelling mistake found.
RCBC
tower, every month the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery exhibit for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
artists and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to sell their paintings for the public. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their venue for free as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibit for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to showcase their talents and for the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by this generous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
Did you mean "well-known"?
well know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
painters in the Philippines. This illustrates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is not needed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them succeed in their careers.

To summarize
, I
strongly
believed that the funds should
be allocated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
they can be and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can benefit a lot if the Philippine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
wins in foreign competitions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO- 54 Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
465 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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