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TOPIC # 46 What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? v.1

TOPIC # 46 What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? v. 1
Looking back at my childhood, it is almost impossible for me to compensate for all sacrifices that my parents have made for me and hardships they have been through because of me. However, offspring can bring a little relief to their parents by having some good manners such as; First of all, it is practically advised in every religion or culture that children should respect their parents no matter how poor or less qualified they are. We should respect them by being obedient to their logical appeals, carefully listening to their advice, and following their instructions. We should be respectful to what they set as a punishment for us, or for their prohibitions. Meanwhile, a good son or daughter neither raises his or her voice against them nor starts a brawl with them. Second, good offspring are also caring towards parents. She understands that she has also some responsibilities towards them that should not be disregarded by some excuses. She tries to help them with chores when they need a hand or they are simply tired. She looks after them especially when they are sick or aged. For example, my father is an ideal symbol of a good son for his very old mother, although she has a very bad temper, just scolds everyone for everything, and nothing can satisfy her. She is quite intolerable, nevertheless my father takes care of her very genteelly, and pampers her like she is his daughter. Third, in our culture, parents are commended so much, and anything you do that bothers them is denounced and considered as a very big sin, and you will not be forgiven until they forgive you. However, it is obvious that these cultural and traditional values are fading away as the world is more progressing, and consequently people are getting busier with technology, their job and life. Our country is not exempt from this fact, and our people are gradually getting less considerate towards their parents. To sum it up, I believe children and youngsters should extensively respect their parents and obey them without any excuse.
Looking back at my childhood, it is almost impossible for me to compensate for all sacrifices that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have made for me and hardships they have been through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of me.
However
, offspring can bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
relief to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners such as;

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
practically
advised in every religion or culture that children should respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
no matter how poor or less qualified they are. We should respect them by being obedient to their logical appeals,
carefully
listening to their advice, and following their instructions. We should be respectful to what they set as a punishment for us, or for their prohibitions. Meanwhile, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
son or daughter neither raises his
Use "nor" with neither.
or
her voice against them nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
a brawl with them.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
offspring are
also
caring towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. She understands that she has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities towards them that should not
be disregarded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
excuses. She tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with chores when they need a
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hand or
they are
simply
tired.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
looks after them
especially
when they are sick or aged.
For example
, my father is an ideal symbol of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
son for his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
mother, although she has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
temper,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
scolds everyone for everything, and nothing can satisfy her. She is quite intolerable,
nevertheless
my father takes care of her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
genteelly
, and pampers her like she is his daughter.

Third, in our culture,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are commended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much, and anything you do that bothers them
is denounced
and considered as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sin, and you will not
be forgiven
until they forgive you.
However
, it is obvious that these cultural and traditional values are fading away as the world is more progressing, and
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting busier with technology, their job and life. Our country is not exempt from this fact, and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
gradually
getting less considerate towards their parents.

To sum it up, I believe children and youngsters should
extensively
respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and obey them without any excuse.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay TOPIC # 46 What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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