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TPO 54 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v.1

TPO 54 Writing Independent Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 1
Nowadays, We can see traffic accidents are increasing all over the world due to many reasons. Many of the recent study shows that most of these accidents are happening due to irresponsible behaviour from the driver, at the same time, age is another major reason which can increase the risk of accidents. However, The Government can reduce the risks by putting effective measures. In a nutshell, the age factor is a reason for accidents, but many are happening just because of driver mistakes, which is due to alert failure. Rather than looking at this factor, firstly, we need to look at the recent study to find out the irresponsible behaviour from driver such as drunk and drive, using mobile phones while driving, sleep while drive etc. In order to reduce accidents, The government should take necessary steps to monitor the road safety by putting huge fines for violating laws. In addition to this, more speed radars should be fixed in accident prone areas to monitor the violations. It's repeatedly reported that many youngsters are using vehicles on the road without driving license, could lead to increasing road accidents. In order to avoid this, The government should do the random checking as it's a serious crime to drive without licenses. At the same time, lowering the age limit for elderly ones can make a positive impact in reducing the accidents. To conclude, The question asked is a reason for traffic accidents, but, at the same time drivers should be monitored strictly by the government authorities, in order to reduce the volume of accidents in the future.
Nowadays, We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
are increasing all over the world due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
are happening due to irresponsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
, at the same time, age is another major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which can increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
However
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
by putting effective measures. In a nutshell, the age factor is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
mistakes, which is due to alert failure.

Rather
than looking at this factor,
firstly
, we need to look at the recent study to find out the irresponsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
such as drunk and drive, using mobile phones while driving, sleep while drive etc. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take necessary steps to monitor the road safety by putting huge fines for violating laws.
In addition
to this, more speed radars should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
accident prone
areas to monitor the violations.

It's
repeatedly
reported that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are using vehicles on the road without driving license, could lead to increasing road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
. In order to avoid this, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should do the random checking as it's a serious crime to drive without licenses. At the same time, lowering the age limit for elderly ones can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in reducing the accidents.

To conclude
, The question asked is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
should
be monitored
strictly
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay TPO 54 Writing Independent Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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