Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TPO 53 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v.1

TPO 53 Writing Independent It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 1
A good manner is essential within a society, especially for growing kids who will be considered as leaders of the future. However, many believe that, in order for children to be good members of society, they must be disciplined from home, others believe that the primary education is a better way to train children to be well behaved. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my suggestion. To Begin, it is very important that children are taught from infancy by their parents, this is because the child will be able to learn faster and put to use whatever he/she must have learned from the parent. If this is done, the child we grow up learning how to be well behaved as a result of the schooling gained from the parent. For example, In the western part of Nigeria, children are taught by their parent, how to kneel or prostrate when greeting elderly people, as a means of showing deep respect. This culture is quite different from people who grew up in the Eastern part of Nigeria. Therefore, children will only be able to learn faster and better, thus, be well behaved in a society when the teachings of their parent reflected on them. On the other hand, teaching from school is not the best way to inflict good manners on growing kids, since the school is usually of large population, and in fact, will be difficult for the tutor to monitor each child. This might even lead to a negative effect on such child. For instance, children find it easy to mingle with their peers and imitate them, even if what they are doing is against the rule of the school or authority, but as a result of peer pressure, it is often difficult to abhor what is wicked and cling to what is good. Therefore, as regards the good manner in the society, the school will not be the best way to teach growing kids of good manners. In conclusion, Although children can still learn a lot in school concerning academic, the best way to teach a child to be well behaved, especially in the society, is through the parent.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manner is essential within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
especially
for growing kids who will
be considered
as leaders of the future.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that, in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be disciplined
from home, others believe that the primary education is a better way to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaved
. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my suggestion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
from infancy by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will be able to learn faster and put to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
whatever he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have learned from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. If this
is done
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
we grow up learning how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaved
as a result
of the schooling gained from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
.
For example
, In the western part of Nigeria,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, how to kneel or prostrate when greeting elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, as a means of showing deep respect. This culture is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who grew up in the Eastern part of Nigeria.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be able to learn faster and better,
thus
, be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaved
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
when the teachings of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
reflected on them.

On the other hand
, teaching from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not the best way to inflict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners on growing kids, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
usually
of large population, and in fact, will be difficult for the tutor to monitor each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. This might even lead to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find it easy to mingle with their peers and imitate them, even if what they are doing is against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or authority,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a result
of peer pressure, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
difficult to abhor what
is wicked
and cling to what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
.
Therefore
, as regards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manner in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not be the best way to teach growing kids of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
still
learn a lot in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
concerning academic, the best way to teach a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaved
,
especially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, is through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 53 Writing Independent It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts