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Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is b v.20

Question: Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is b v. 20
In this modern era, people were inclined to have busy lifestyles and routines. Parents spends less attention to their children due to hectic schedule in their work. It is a very controversial question whether the best time children should spend their time is to play games or sports rather than doing schoolwork. In my humble opinion, I think that it is beneficial that youngsters get involved in sports activities. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, children spends majority of their time at school and it is better that they have other extra curricular activities to be more rounded individual. Moreover, getting involved in sports have positive outcome for a child. They will have active lifestyle which will help them be physically and mentally fit. My personal experience is a compelling example of this, after my class in school my mother drop me off with my volleyball training in our hometown. I spend additional two hours stretching and running the court to warm up before playing the game. I loved participating in sports because I feel more energized and relaxed after playing. In addition, I become more physically fit I noticed I lose 2 pounds just after playing volleyball for 1 month and my coach teaches us how to eat healthier food. I also teach my family to eat healthy foods and we are now eating a healthier and nutritious meal at home. This illustrates that being involved in sports have positive effects on the well being of a person. Secondly, another positive outcome of playing sports is you will gain more friends. Sports teaches people to mingle and communicate with other person. As a result, you will get to know that person and become friends eventually. For instance, in my volleyball team I used to practice a lot with Princess and we really got to know each other very well. After our practice, we hang out in my house and bond with each other. We continued this bond with each other and became best friends. I think without being involved in sports I will still be shy and hesitant to talk to other people. Hence, sports taught me to become friendly and at ease with other person. To summarize, I believe that it is beneficial that children should spend their time in playing sports. This is because they are physically fit and gain new friends.
In this modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were inclined
to have busy lifestyles and routines. Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
less attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to hectic schedule in their work. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial question whether the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is to play games or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
rather
than doing schoolwork. In my humble opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is beneficial that youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at school and it is better that they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities to be more rounded individual.
Moreover
, getting involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome for a child. They will have active lifestyle which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be
physically
and mentally fit. My personal experience is a compelling example of this, after my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in school my mother drop me off with my volleyball training in our hometown. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
additional two hours stretching and running the court to warm up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the game. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I feel more energized and relaxed after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
.
In addition
, I become more
physically
fit I noticed I lose
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
2 pounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
volleyball for 1 month and my coach teaches us how to eat healthier food. I
also
teach my family to eat healthy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
foods and
we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
eating a healthier and nutritious meal at home. This illustrates that
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of a person.

Secondly
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is you will gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "sport teaches".
Sports teaches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to mingle and communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person.
As a result
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know that person and become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
eventually
.
For instance
, in my volleyball team I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to practice a lot with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Princess and
we
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. After our practice, we hang out in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and bond with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. We continued this bond with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and became best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
without
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
I will
still
be shy and hesitant to talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
taught me to become friendly and at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person.

To summarize
, I believe that it is beneficial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
physically
fit and gain new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is b v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
408 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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