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TPO 53: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v.1

TPO 53: It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 1
Food is the necessity for human beings. Usage of proper balanced diet keeps an individual fit and healthy. However, with the passage of time there are some methods which attributed the production of food more cheaply within less time. These methods might have severe disadvantages and the same are discussed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, Over the years, it has been seen that new methods and concepts introduced in the market. Of late, the ready to eat food overtake the market rampantly. It is undeniable that in today's scenario, people are running a mad race and due to hectic lifestyle and schedules, these alternatives of food acts as a boon. With the help of improved machinery and certain chemicals, scientists are able to preserve the food for a longer time. One has to just boil it for paradigm period and the food is ready to relish. Moreover, these food changes could cause severe vigorous senility. In connection to this, the human body is uncertain and might be vulnerable to diseases due to significant chemicals. These may lead to heart diseases and stomachache. Moving further, the advantages are solely that it is less time consuming, but beside this, there are numerous harmful effects that cannot be outweighed. Government must ban these kind of unhealthy food stuff. In addition to this, government must acknowledge general public through media such as virtual media, by advertisement, social sites or by paper media like newspaper, magazine. Additionally, individualism also plays a pivotal role. An individual must be aware about the side effects of eating these kind of food in the long term. To recapitulate, I would like to say that relish scrumptious food and fulfil the desire of having different kind of cuisine, with proper cautions and solely after knowing the goods and the bad of the food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
is the necessity for human beings. Usage of proper balanced diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
an individual fit and healthy.
However
, with the passage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods which attributed the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more
cheaply
within less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. These methods might have severe disadvantages and the same
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Over the years, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that new methods and concepts introduced in the market. Of late, the ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
overtake the market
rampantly
. It is undeniable that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's scenario,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are running a mad race and due to hectic lifestyle and schedules, these alternatives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
acts as a boon. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
machinery and certain chemicals, scientists are able to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
boil it for paradigm period and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is ready to relish.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
could cause severe vigorous senility. In connection to this, the human body is uncertain and might be vulnerable to diseases due to significant chemicals. These may lead to heart diseases and stomachache.

Moving
further
, the advantages are
solely
that it is less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
beside this, there are numerous harmful effects that cannot
be outweighed
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ban
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stuff.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acknowledge
Consider using "public".
general public
through media such as virtual media, by advertisement, social sites or by paper media like newspaper, magazine.
Additionally
, individualism
also
plays a pivotal role. An individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware about the side effects of eating
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the long term.

To recapitulate, I would like to say that relish scrumptious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and fulfil the desire of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of cuisine, with proper cautions and
solely
after knowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay TPO 53: It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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