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TPO 53: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v.2

TPO 53: It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 2
As you already know, each society has its own needs and demands and according to this each year the government authorities plan to allocate a yearly budget for different purposes. These days some of the authorities hold the view that the improvement of internet access should be the government' s priority. From my own perspective, improving public transportation is more urgent than Internet access due to some apparent reasons. In the following paragraphs, I will cogently elaborate on my viewpoint. The most prominent point I want to declare here is the importance of preserving the environment which has a direct effect on the overall health of the society. As far as I am concerned, most of the metropolitans, like Tehran that I live in, is in an emergency condition due to air pollution. Most of the month of the year, especially in winter, the air condition is not healthy for most of the susceptible groups like children and the olds. It is a direct consequence of burning fossil fuels by different vehicles. If the government allocate enough budget for building infrastructures for public transportation or its improvement, this problem will be solved, as these days most of the citizens prefer to use their own vehicles in cities and it is mainly due to inadequate and poor public transportation. Solving this problem is prior to improving internet access as it leads to more clean air and prevents the prevalence of some chronic diseases like respiratory and heart diseases which can impose a great burden on the government. The other equally important point coming to my mind is that by spending money on the improvement of public transportation, the government could be able to save budget on other areas and use it surplus for other applications. To shed light on this issue, consider a country that has an equipped and modern system of public transportation that encourages people to use it. Therefore, the public demand for petroleum products like gasoline is at a low level as people use fewer cars. Hence, this government does not need to import an enormous amount of petroleum from other countries and can save its budget or allocate it to other areas like improving internet access or medical services. Therefore, the improvement of public transportation would have many notable and worthy subsequent consequences. For short, contemplating the previous paragraphs, it makes sense to draw the conclusion that the improvement of public transportations should be considered as a priority by governments. Allocating money for this area would help the government to save its budget and also it would provide a more healthy environment for society.
As you already know, each society has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs and demands and according to this each year the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities plan to allocate a yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes. These days
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
authorities hold the view that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
should be the
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s priority. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is more urgent than Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
apparent reasons. In the following paragraphs, I will
cogently
elaborate on my viewpoint.

The most prominent point I want to declare here is the importance of preserving the environment which has a direct effect on the
overall
health of the society. As far as I
am concerned
, most of the metropolitans, like Tehran that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, is in an emergency condition due to air pollution. Most of the month of the year,
especially
in winter, the air condition is not healthy for most of the susceptible groups like children and the olds. It is a direct consequence of burning fossil fuels by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vehicles. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
for building infrastructures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
or its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
, this problem will
be solved
, as these days most of the citizens prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles in cities and it is
mainly
due to inadequate and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. Solving this problem is prior to improving internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
as it leads to more clean air and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the prevalence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chronic diseases like respiratory and heart diseases which can impose a great burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point coming to my mind is that by spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could be able to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it surplus for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
applications. To shed light on this issue, consider a country that has an equipped and modern system of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
that encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
demand for petroleum products like gasoline is at a low level as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
fewer cars.
Hence
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not need to import an enormous amount of petroleum from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries and can save its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
or allocate it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas like improving internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
or medical services.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
notable and worthy subsequent consequences.

For short, contemplating the previous paragraphs, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense to draw the conclusion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
should
be considered
as a priority by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. Allocating money for this area would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to save its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
and
also
it would provide a more healthy environment for society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay TPO 53: It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
437 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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