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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? It is more important for governments to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. use specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v.10

It is more important for governments to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. use specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v. 10
In this modern epoch, the life span of an individual is increasing exponentially with the development in the field of medicine and science. Hence, due to this development there are certain drawbacks and benefits for the government and the people. This essay will discuss both the problems and the solutions. Firstly, the employment for the younger generations will be at risk, if there is no certain age limit to work in the certain areas of research. The older generations holds the key areas in their job and they stick with them for a longer period. This reduces the chance for the younger society. Moreover, the government should organize pension schemes for longer duration and hence, certain amount should be divided across them. For example, In India, the pension span is up to 85 years and as a result, the law should pay them even if they do not work. Secondly, there should be a few possible solutions such as a law should take care to reduce the tax deduction from the older generations. This increase their independent stability from their dependants. Moreover, the medicine should deliver at free of cost for the older people. For instance, in China, there is no fee in any of the disease related ailments after a certain span. This reduces the adverse mental and health issues when they become old. In conclusion, there are certain areas where government should bring up some key laws to reduce the problem that occur after a certain period. In addition to this, medical costs should be cut down in order to relieve them from the sickness due to aging.
In this modern epoch, the life span of an individual is increasing
exponentially
with the development in the field of medicine and science.
Hence
, due to this development there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
drawbacks and benefits for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This essay will discuss both the problems and the solutions.

Firstly
, the employment for the younger generations will be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
age limit to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
areas of research. The older generations holds the key areas in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they stick with them for a longer period. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
the chance for the younger society.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should organize pension schemes for longer duration and
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
amount should
be divided
across them.
For example
, In India, the pension span is up to 85 years and
as a result
, the law should pay them even if they do not work.

Secondly
, there should be a few possible solutions such as a law should take care to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the tax deduction from the older generations. This increase their independent stability from their
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
.
Moreover
, the medicine should deliver at free of cost for the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, in China, there is no fee in any of the disease related ailments after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
span.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
the adverse mental and health issues when they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In conclusion
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
areas where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should bring up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key laws to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the problem that occur after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
period.
In addition
to this, medical costs should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down in order to relieve them from the sickness due to aging.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is more important for governments to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. use specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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