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Describe one of the most important days in your life and why it was so important to you Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

Describe one of the most important days in your life and why it was so important to you Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
There are many important days in our lives each one has its importance like, married day, high school graduation, having the first baby. Deeply deliberating about these days, I believe that the day that I graduated from the college is among the most important days in my entire life, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning. First of all, I felt so excited at that day because I was done with all exams and study' s frustrations. For example, I studied for five years in the pharmacy college in Baghdad university. Our study was so hard, we needed to do a lot of assignments and researches each years besides all other exams in order to graduate. I was so exhausted by all this study. So, in my graduation day, I felt for the first time with that much of happiness because there won' t be anymore studies and exams. As you could see, finishing all these requirements wasn' t easy after all, but the reward was so big and deserve all that work. Second, the graduation day from the pharmacy college was so important because at that day I started the adult' s life, or in other words, I start my career as a pharmacist, it' s like a dream come true. For instance, When I was in the high school, I have had the dream of being a pharmacist one day. I studied for a long time and with a long hours each day, until I was able to get the high grade, that allow me to enter the pharmacy college. In the college, It was even harder, all our classes were in English and we needed to communicate inside the campus in English too. So, the graduation day was a far dream come true. I was able to get my pharmacy license on that day and I remember that I applied for a job directly after having my license. From this experience I could say that the best day in anybody' s life is when his dream come true, especially if he works so hard to make it true. In conclusion, even though each person has different day in his life that considered as the most important one, as for me the graduation day from the college is the most important day. Not only was I so excited to finish all exams and hard work. But also it was the day that I start to be a real pharmacist.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
days in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
each one has its importance like, married day, high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
, having the
first
baby.
Deeply
deliberating about these days, I believe that the day that I graduated from the college is among the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
days in my entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited at that day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
was done
with all exams and
Possible spelling mistake found.
study&
#039; s frustrations.
For example
, I studied for five years in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
college in Baghdad university. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, we needed to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
assignments and researches each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "year"?
years
besides
all other exams in order to graduate. I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exhausted by all this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
day, I felt for the
first
time with that much of happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
Possible spelling mistake found.
won&
#039; t be
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and exams. As you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, finishing all these requirements
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasn&
#039; t easy
after all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and deserve all that work.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
day from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
college was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at that day I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
adult&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, or
in other words
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my career as a pharmacist,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.
For instance
, When I was in the high school, I have had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
of being a pharmacist one day. I studied for a long time and with a long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
each day, until I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the high grade, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
college. In the college, It was even harder, all our classes were in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
English and
we needed to communicate inside the campus in English too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
day was a far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true. I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
license on that day and I remember that I applied for a job
directly
after having my license. From this experience I could say that the best day in
Possible spelling mistake found.
anybody&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is when his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true,
especially
if he works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it true.

In conclusion
,
even though
each person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
day in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that considered as the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
one, as for me the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
day from the college is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
day. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
was I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited to finish all exams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
it was the day that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to be a real pharmacist.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Describe one of the most important days in your life and why it was so important to you Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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