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Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. v.2

with this idea? Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. v. 2
Although some people believe that childhood is not the happiest period of one' s life and they think they should grow as soon as possible, but I personally think this period never will happen again for somebody. It is the happiest time of life certainly. First, some people think that because they are in their childhood they should be adult soon in order to have more freedom or be independent to their families and have more power, but I think they are totally in a wrong track because they would miss the chance of enjoying of their good period of life. It is the time which there is no worry and fear about everything. second, when I had not been mature yet, I have no idea about these day' s life, my only goal was playing with my peers and spend time with them playing football and so many other game which I can not do them again any more. I did not realize when the days changes to nights and vice versa. On the other hand, when I was child, I had not concerned about the future or job or earning money, because I had my family' s support on those day, but today I am worry about my future because after my graduation I have to seek appropriate job for myself, and I have no time to spend playing or such things. After that I should get married and depend on myself by working. This is the time I have to spend beside my new family than my friends or peers. All in all, childhood of every one is full of many souvenirs that can happen only on that specific period. So that I think childhood is the best time of every one' s life that can never happen again for him/her.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that childhood is not the happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they should grow as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
The adverb 'never' is usually put between 'will' and 'happen'.
never will happen
again for somebody. It is the happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
certainly
.

First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are in their childhood they should be adult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
in order to have more freedom or be independent to their families and have more power,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they are
totally
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would miss the chance of enjoying of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which there is no worry and fear about everything.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
second
, when I had not been mature
yet
, I have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about these
Possible spelling mistake found.
day&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal was playing with my peers and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them playing football and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other game which I can not do them again
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
. I did not realize when the days
You should probably use "change".
changes
to nights and vice versa.

On the other hand
, when I was child, I had not concerned about the future or job or earning money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I had my
Possible spelling mistake found.
family&
#039; s support on
Did you mean "this day" or "those days"?
those day
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
I am
Did you mean "worried"?
worry
about my future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after my graduation I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
seek appropriate job for myself, and I have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend playing or such things. After that I should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and depend on myself by working. This is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend beside my new family than my friends or peers.

All in all, childhood of every one is full of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
souvenirs that can happen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on that specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
childhood is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of every
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that can never happen again for him/her.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay with this idea? Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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