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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.6

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 6
In this fast-paced world, several countries are witnessing a rise in obesity and associated health challenges among their population. In my opinion, there are various factors such as sedentary life and unhealthy eating issues. However, several measures can be taken to curb these problems. Firstly, technological advancement is a major cause of the sedentary lifestyle. For example, recent research by the World Health Organization demonstrated that 60% of the cause of overweight are due to the lack of physical activities, as people rely on electronic devices like online payment, internet banking rather than sweating out to accomplish their job. Secondly, fast-food culture is another reason for becoming obese and having poor health quality. For instance, an extensive study by the US healthcare illustrated that the rationality behind these issues is because of the consumption of junk items like Pizzas and Burgers. There are two effective solutions to the problems of increasing average weight and a decreasing range of health and fitness. One way to tackle this, to ensure that the government prohibits the marketing of unhealthy foods. By doing this, the public will not be lured towards these products. Another method of dealing with these issues is by exercising and by physically getting their work done. These solutions would help to lead a healthy life. In conclusion, putting a stop to advertising harmful edibles and by performing daily workouts are effective in dealing with the issues. If the government and people implement these solutions, unhealthiness and obesity would soon drop.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, several countries are witnessing a rise in obesity and associated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges among their population. In my opinion, there are various factors such as sedentary life and unhealthy eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
However
, several measures can
be taken
to curb these problems.

Firstly
, technological advancement is a major cause of the sedentary lifestyle.
For example
, recent research by the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization demonstrated that 60% of the cause of overweight are due to the lack of physical activities, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rely on electronic devices like online payment, internet banking
rather
than sweating out to accomplish their job.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food culture is another reason for becoming obese and having poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
quality.
For instance
, an extensive study by the US healthcare illustrated that the rationality behind these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the consumption of junk items like Pizzas and Burgers.

There are two effective solutions to the problems of increasing average weight and a decreasing range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness. One way to tackle this, to ensure that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
prohibits the marketing of unhealthy foods. By doing this, the public will not
be lured
towards these products. Another method of dealing with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
is by exercising and by
physically
getting their work done. These solutions would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to lead a healthy life.

In conclusion
, putting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to advertising harmful edibles and by performing daily workouts are effective in dealing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
implement these solutions, unhealthiness and obesity would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
drop.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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