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TPO 50: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All university students should be required to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 50: All university students should be required to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Career is believed to be one of the most significant things among other aspects of human activity, leading to wrong perception that life becomes meaningless if advance could not be obtained. From my own perspective, I just advocate some extents of the given statement. To begin with, there is a wide range of reasons that work is important for one’s life. First, success in job brings about the sense of achievement accomplishment. The plain truth is that people usually feel more happy and satisfied if they are recognised and this can be gained only when they are working. In addition, work is crucial since it helps people to make ends meet. As both lucrative and low-paid work has to work to meet basic living requirements or even be affordable to purchase what they planned to have. For instance, a recent research showed that 80 percent of family divorced due to their difficult financial situations, leading to poor life quality and unhappy. Therefore, work plays an important role in one’s life. On the other hand, there are more desirable goals rather than a successful life to attain in our life. A vast majority of people perceive a meaningful life as having their families and close friends. The plain truth is that relationships with our family and friends are actually keeping us going and happy even we are falling or be stuck in a job. Moreover, health is another worth-mentioning factor. In fact, if people have a good health or the best immune system, their lifetime is likely to be filled with human well-being. By contrast, a successful person with a cancer or a fatal disease might have the negative outlook in their lives as they have no time. As aforementioned explanations, while it is true that success makes life more wonderful, truly important things in life, such as health and relationships are actually vital which success cannot bring about.
Career
is believed
to be one of the most significant things among other aspects of human activity, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
becomes meaningless if advance could not
be obtained
. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
advocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extents of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a wide range of reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
First
, success in job brings about the sense of achievement accomplishment. The plain truth is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
feel more happy and satisfied if they are
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
and this can
be gained
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they are working.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is crucial since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. As both lucrative and low-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
basic living requirements or even be affordable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
what they planned to have.
For instance
, a recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 80 percent of family divorced due to their difficult financial situations, leading to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality and unhappy.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in one’s life.

On the other hand
, there are more desirable goals
rather
than a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to attain in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive a meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as having their families and close friends. The plain truth is that relationships with our family and friends are actually keeping us going and happy even we are falling or
be stuck
in a job.
Moreover
, health is another worth-mentioning factor. In fact, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health or the best immune system, their lifetime is likely to
be filled
with human well-being. By contrast, a successful person with a cancer or a fatal disease might have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outlook in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as they have no time.

As aforementioned explanations, while it is true that success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more wonderful,
truly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, such as health and relationships are actually vital which success cannot bring about.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay TPO 50: All university students should be required to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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