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TPO 52Do you agree or disagree? The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v.1

TPO 52 The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 1
The World Wide Web is used around the globe for means of communication and obtaining news. However, it is debatable, that quite a few people believe it needs to be regularized. While, others think it does not require any modulation. The Internet was invented during the time of the World Wars. Its sole purpose was to transmit information through wireless signals. In due course of time, it started replacing the humble television set. For example: Programs like news, radio, videos, and articles could be viewed on this portal at anytime and anyplace. Due to this amazing feature of being wireless, calls could be made without an extension of wire across the world for example: Skype. Today, an individual is incomplete if his phone, laptop or home is without the crucial invention. Even car systems run on this marvellous discovery. Although, it's rapidly growing need has led few to decrease its usage. For example: Tik Tok Videos, which were used for entertainment, have resulted in the death of young adults. WhatsApp, created for instant messaging is a cause of wars on religion due to the passing of wrong information. YouTube has controversial artists putting videos encouraging the audience to indulge in dangerous activities. All of these were created for a purpose, but their use in the wrong hands has resulted in errors. Hence, there were some who wanted to moderate its use. Even though, the Internet has resulted in some grievances on the brighter side it has facilitated good outcomes. For example: individuals do not have to wait in line for banking instead they can use online banking to save their time. In daily life, from grocery shopping to booking of tickets for travel the portal has been a miracle. In conclusion, every invention has an upside and a downside. This cannot be the reason to put it down altogether.
The World Wide Web is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
around the globe for means of communication and obtaining news.
However
, it is debatable, that quite a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it needs to
be regularized
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it does not require any modulation.

The Internet
was invented
during the time of the World Wars. Its sole purpose was to transmit information through wireless signals. In due course of time, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
replacing the humble television set. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: Programs like news, radio, videos, and articles could
be viewed
on this portal at anytime and anyplace. Due to this amazing feature of being wireless, calls could
be made
without an extension of wire across the world for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: Skype.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, an individual is incomplete if his phone, laptop or home is without the crucial invention. Even car systems run on this
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
discovery.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it's
rapidly
growing need has led few to decrease its usage. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
:
Did you mean "TikTok" (= social networking app)?
Tik Tok
Videos, which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for entertainment, have resulted in the death of young adults. WhatsApp, created for instant messaging is a cause of wars on religion due to the passing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
information. YouTube has controversial artists putting videos encouraging the audience to indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities. All of these
were created
for a purpose,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands has resulted in errors.
Hence
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who wanted to moderate its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Even though
, the Internet has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
grievances on the brighter side it has facilitated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
outcomes. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: individuals do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait in line for banking
instead
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
online banking to save their time. In daily life, from grocery shopping to booking of tickets for travel the portal has been a miracle.

In conclusion
, every invention has an upside and a downside. This cannot be the reason to put it down altogether.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 52 The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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