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TPO52 - Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO52 - The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
It goes without saying that in this complicated and progressive world in which we are living, rules and laws play significant roles in organizing prosperous and successful societies. Conforming the regulations and following social values are vital tasks of every individual to make a better community and avoid chaos. In this regard, the young generation is not an exception so that they should obey the rules; however, some believe that today, societies anticipate youngsters following the rules too toughly. Personally speaking, I partly agree with this notion, and I will substantiate my idea with reasons and facts that are elaborated upon hereunder. The competency and the ability of people should be appraised for taking part in social activities and acquiring legal privileges, not their age. Age restriction is obvious discrimination against young people in many social affairs. For instance, while there were some reasons -such as reducing road accidents and fatalities in car crashes- to pass a law to prohibit young people from driving until the age of eighteen, the advent of new technologies has solved the safety-related issues by producing safer vehicles and better infrastructures like roads. It is crystal clear that driving a car or riding a motorcycle requires learning many skills and having a driver license in order to guarantee less probable damages. However, there is a rigorous law which prohibits young people from having the right to obtain a driving license until the legitimate age. While the advancement of new technologies leads to safer cars and more convenient roads to drive in, the persistence of the policy-makers and the societies on maintaining on this strict rules which limit young people seems irrational and very severe. A personal example can drive this notion home. Six years ago, I started driving my father’s car when I was sixteen with such extreme skill that everybody praised me. Although I had much more abilities in driving compared with my mother, who was already a legal driver, I had no right to get my driving license, and that was utterly unfair and strict. On the other side, young people are not mature enough to make decisions logically; therefore, they often tend to make emotional decisions with a higher degree of risks. As people grow older, they become more prudent and avoid unnecessary risks and threats. In contrast, younger people extremely tend to do more adventurous actions and also, standing against social laws and mandatory regulations gives them a sense of independent and self-confident. Thus, committing social crimes is prevalent through the young generation than the elderly. Dealing drug, driving while drunk, and street fighting are some instances of youngsters’ crimes that can be highly controlled by passing strict laws and obligations. A recent study at Toronto University showed a close correlation between youth crimes and strict laws. They had investigated one hundred boys and girls in two different quarters in the city to find whether the strict applying laws is effective in the reduction of juvenile crime or not. In one site, a police stand was installed to make young people aware that everything is under control, and the other site was free of and external controlling power. After a month, a remarkable drop in the numbers of criminal acts among young people was reported in the first area, which means that applying severe laws helps to reduce crimes.
It goes without saying that in this complicated and progressive world in which we are living,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
play significant roles in organizing prosperous and successful societies. Conforming the regulations and following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values are vital tasks of every individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a better community and avoid chaos. In this regard, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is not an exception
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they should obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, societies anticipate youngsters following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
too
toughly
.
Personally
speaking, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion, and I will substantiate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
with reasons and facts that
are elaborated
upon hereunder.

The competency and the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be appraised
for taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities and acquiring legal privileges, not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Age
restriction is obvious discrimination against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
affairs.
For instance
, while there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons -such as reducing road accidents and fatalities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
crashes- to pass a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen, the advent of new technologies has solved the safety-related issues by producing safer vehicles and better infrastructures like roads. It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
or riding a motorcycle requires learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and having a driver license in order to guarantee less probable damages.
However
, there is a rigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
which prohibits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from having the right to obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
license until the legitimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. While the advancement of new technologies leads to safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and more convenient roads to drive in, the persistence of the policy-makers and the societies on maintaining on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
which limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
seems
irrational and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
severe. A personal example can drive this notion home. Six years ago, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
my father’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
when I was sixteen with such extreme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that everybody praised me. Although I had much more abilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
compared with my mother, who was already a legal driver, I had no right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
license, and that was
utterly
unfair and strict.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions
logically
;
therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
emotional decisions with a higher degree of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow older, they become more prudent and avoid unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and threats.
In contrast
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
extremely
tend to do more adventurous actions and
also
, standing against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and mandatory regulations gives them a sense of independent and self-confident.
Thus
, committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is prevalent through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation than the elderly. Dealing drug,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
while drunk, and street fighting are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances of youngsters’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that can be
highly
controlled by passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and obligations. A recent study at Toronto University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a close correlation between youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
. They had investigated one hundred boys and girls in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
quarters in the city to find whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
is effective in the reduction of juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
or not. In one site, a police stand
was installed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware that everything is under control, and the other site was free of and external controlling power. After a month, a remarkable drop in the numbers of criminal acts among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was reported
in the
first
area, which means that applying severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO52 - The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
558 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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