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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
As most of the adulthood is spent at the work, many people argue that its satisfaction is vital for the individual's well being. This essay argues that the key factor that stimulates the feeling of job satisfaction is recognition and it is an over-expectation for everyone to expect it. The major contributor for an individual being satisfied with their vocation is the feeling of doing value addition to society and appreciation of the work they do. This is because, when the work they do is admired, they feel of being important to society this encourages and motivates them towards doing their job with full enthusiasm and the positive mindset. For instance, A survey conducted by the Indian Medical Association found that doctors were much more satisfied with their job as compared to technology graduates as doctors are admired and given feedback of their effort immediately by their patients. However, for all the workers this expectation is non realistic. Because we have varied range of professionals and different people have different expectations, some people just work for money while some are in their jobs due to the education they had and not because of their interests or their contribution towards society. For example, A recent survey conducted at The Harvard University found that 40 percent of students were joining the management degree out of their interest in that field, they were just hoping for higher pay, such students will never be able to find satisfaction in the work they will do. In conclusion, The majority of adulthood is spent working at the job and to have job satisfaction of one's work it should be recognised and valued and this is impossible to achieve for everyone.
As most of the adulthood
is spent
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is vital for the individual's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. This essay argues that the key factor that stimulates the feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is recognition and it is an over-expectation for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
it.

The major contributor for an individual
being satisfied
with their vocation is the feeling of doing value addition to society and appreciation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they do. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they do
is admired
, they feel of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to society this encourages and motivates them towards doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with full enthusiasm and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindset.
For instance
, A survey conducted by the Indian Medical Association found that doctors were much more satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as compared to technology graduates as doctors
are admired
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
feedback of their effort immediately by their patients.

However
, for all the workers this expectation is
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non realistic
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we have varied range of professionals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
expectations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for money while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
due to the education they had and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their interests or their contribution towards society.
For example
, A recent survey conducted at The Harvard University found that 40 percent of students were joining the management degree out of their interest in that field, they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hoping for higher pay, such students will never be able to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they will do.

In conclusion
, The majority of adulthood
is spent
working at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
of one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
it should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
and valued and this is impossible to achieve for everyone.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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