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do you agree or disagree? the rules that societies expect that young people should follow and obey are too strict v.15

the rules that societies expect that young people should follow and obey are too strict v. 15
It is certainly a very interesting question. Does what a person wears tell us so much about their culture and personality or not? I tend to agree that clothes can tell us some basic things, but that they do not tell us much more than those basic things. First of all, I will consider how a person's choice of clothes reveals their culture. This is true in some ways, for example, in many countries, people have a distinctive national style of wear, and some particular cloths and fabrics are typical of certain areas. Therefore, clothes can sometimes reveal the ethnic origins and culture of a person, but as so many people nowadays dress in business suits or jeans and T-shirts worldwide this is becoming less and less true. As character is concerned, we can tell in some places if the wearer of clothes is a follower of fashion. Another aspect of dress is whether the clothes look clean and ironed or grubby and very casual. This might tell us how much concerned they are about to be smart. However, the way someone dresses can also be misleading at times. There are some people, which wears clothes that seems very casual and strange but often they are just following fashion and are not unusual or strange people in their personalities at all. To sum up, I would say that we can find out something about a person from their style of dress, but only the surface things, and not the deeper character.
It is
certainly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting question. Does what a person wears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much about their culture and personality or not? I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
us much more than those basic things.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I will consider how a person's choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
reveals their culture. This is true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
for example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a distinctive national style of wear, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloths
and fabrics are typical of certain areas.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
reveal the ethnic origins and culture of a person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
in business suits or jeans and T-shirts worldwide this is becoming less and less true.

As character
is concerned
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places if the wearer of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is a follower of fashion. Another aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
look clean and ironed or grubby and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
casual. This might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
us how much concerned they are about to be smart.
However
, the way someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
can
also
be misleading at times. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which wears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
that seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
casual and strange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
following fashion and are not unusual or strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their personalities at all.

To sum up, I would say that we can find out something about a person from their style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the surface things, and not the deeper character.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the rules that societies expect that young people should follow and obey are too strict v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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