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some students choose to enter the university immediately after high school; however others prefer to take time before beginning the university class. Which one is better? v.1

some students choose to enter the university immediately after high school; however others prefer to take time before beginning the university class. Which one is better? v. 1
With the pace of technology, advertisement sector is spreading widely. The main aim of commercialisation of products by the companies is to gain attention and also, please the buyer. Some individuals believe that, adds prompts them to buy things that they really do not use in future while, others think that commercials give the contribution to make significant improvement in their lives. I agree with later notion and this essay will describe the importance of advertising products in human life. As, the adds are the integral part of of human life and also, help them to make right decision to choose the best item out of all. Firstly, commercial contain much information regarding the goods, so, it enables the people to think about what is the best from them wisely. Moreover, ads provide the cognition relative to the advantages and disadvantage of the particular brand. Hence, it makes the people think wisely before buying anything from household to personal. Secondly, broadcast of goods is contributing to raise the knowledge among the people about the new brand launch. For instance, many people like to buy the goods with advanced feature of the product for better performance while using. On the contrary, some companies in attention gain more profit, use the different strategies to draw the interest of the buyer. In addition to, agencies featured the celebrities for their product promotion, as a result, people who are follower of that celebrity will definitely buy the good, even, they do not much need of that thing in the future. To recapitulate, in my opinion, publication of product aid the public to decide the best out of all and also, help them to increase their knowledge horizon by providing much information about the relative item. So, advertisement play importance role by improving people live only, if they choose the goods wisely for their usage.
With the pace of technology, advertisement sector is spreading
widely
. The main aim of
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is to gain attention and
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
the buyer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
prompts them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that they
really
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in future while, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that commercials give the contribution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
significant improvement in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with later notion and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the importance of advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in human life.

As, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
are the integral part
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
human life and
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
right decision to choose the best item out of all.
Firstly
, commercial contain much information regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what is the best from them
wisely
.
Moreover
, ads provide the cognition relative to the advantages and disadvantage of the particular brand.
Hence
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying anything from household to personal.
Secondly
, broadcast of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
is contributing to raise the knowledge among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the new brand launch.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
with advanced feature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
for better performance while using.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in attention gain more profit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies to draw the interest of the buyer.
In addition
to, agencies featured the celebrities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
promotion,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are follower of that celebrity will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
, even, they do not much need of that thing in the future.

To recapitulate, in my opinion, publication of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
aid the public to decide the best out of all and
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to increase their knowledge horizon by providing much information about the relative item.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, advertisement play importance role by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, if they choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
wisely
for their usage.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some students choose to enter the university immediately after high school; however others prefer to take time before beginning the university class. Which one is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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