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TPO 52 - Question 6What is a policy of moral suasion? Use the Smokey the Bear and recycling campaigns to explain how it works. v.1

TPO 52 - Question 6What is a policy of moral suasion? Use the Smokey the Bear and recycling campaigns to explain how it works. v. 1
Many people opt sports like cricket, football, rugby, tennis and other games categories as the main career. I read it during research that people who have selected sports as their professions are actually body smart that is they are extremely fit for physical activities. Some people believe that famous sportsmen are paid more as compare to those who are working in other professions. However, I feel that they are just rightly paid for the hard work, time, money and risk they have taken in their lives. First of all, the hard work these sportsmen do before the start of their careers like the time they have invested in gaining stamina and boosting physical strength to be fit in the chosen field. Moreover, they spent a lot of money on hiring trainers and dietitians who look after their bodies and fitness. They also learn skills, techniques and modern day tricks to beat their competitors. In addition to this, they put in line of injuries, success, growth and fear of not knowing. If they are highly paid after becoming celebrities, this is because they had invested time, money and efforts to reach at this point. On the contrary, some people think that these sportsmen are paid unjustly as people who are pursing other professions are also inculcating hard work and danger to lay every brick of their career. For example, in the field of education, teachers do a lot of work before they go to the class like planning lessons, designing worksheets and integrating innovation but their salaries are way less than these sportsmen. Similarly, business man had to start their merchandise companies without knowing its future and the returns depend on their fates. To conclude, in spite of the fact that sportsmen celebrities are taking huge salaries in comparison to the other professionals, I feel that they take these salaries for their hard work, hours and risk that they had invested.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt sports like cricket, football, rugby, tennis and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
games categories as the main career. I read it during research that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have selected sports as their professions are actually body smart
Did you mean "that"?
that is
they are
extremely
fit for physical activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sportsmen are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compare to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions.
However
, I feel that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
rightly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, time, money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
they have taken in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
these sportsmen do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of their careers like the time they have invested in gaining stamina and boosting physical strength to
be fit
in the chosen field.
Moreover
, they spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on hiring trainers and dietitians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
look after their bodies and fitness. They
also
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, techniques and modern day tricks to beat their competitors.

In addition
to this, they put in line of injuries, success, growth and fear of not knowing. If they are
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
after becoming celebrities, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had invested time, money and efforts to reach at this point.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these sportsmen are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
unjustly
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are pursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions are
also
inculcating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to lay every brick of their career.
For example
, in the field of education, teachers do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they go to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
like planning lessons, designing worksheets and integrating innovation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their salaries are way less than these sportsmen.
Similarly
, business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their merchandise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
without knowing its future and the returns depend on their fates.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that sportsmen celebrities are taking huge salaries
in comparison
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals, I feel that they take these salaries for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that they had invested.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay TPO 52 - Question 6What is a policy of moral suasion? Use the Smokey the Bear and recycling campaigns to explain how it works. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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