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In the modern world many employees lack soft skills such as communication and working in teams What are the main causes of this problem What are the effects of lack of such skills v.1

In the modern world many employees lack soft skills such as communication and working in teams What are the main causes of this problem What are the effects of lack of such skills v. 1
From the ancient generation, it is not astonish when the sexual discrimination has become a controversial problem which has a huge effect on the sake of the society. It is the reason why I concur with those who argue that universities should accept the number of equal sexes in every subject offered. On the one hand, there are lots of factors coined to explain why authority figures at the school do not want to let female students participate in subjects regarded for the opposite gender. The main factor is some areas of work and related to study fields are not appropriate for female biological characteristics, namely a construction engineer working outdoors often require heavy physical activities which females are not able to feel up to do. Another factor is the level of sexual violence has increased more and more. The educational environment with the present of both genders and the continuity intensity is a source of peers even within the collapse period. On the other hand, it seems to me that it is absurd to carry on discriminate against female student. First of all, women as long as men have to pay the same rate of taxes on education so they are allowed to serve the fair opportunity. It gives females an advantage edge in joining a healthy competition. Secondly, this can help both sexes to increase their communication skills when it comes to have a closer relationship with the opposite gender by working together. Definitely, students of these schools will most probably have less matrimonial problems taking a leading role in population size in the future. To sum up, despite lots of reason posed to advocate for the sexual discrimination, I would argue that it seems better if universities restrict on this problem.
From the ancient generation, it is not
Consider using a past participle here: "astonished".
astonish
when the sexual discrimination has become a controversial problem which has a huge effect on the sake of the society. It is the reason why I concur with those who argue that universities should accept the number of equal sexes in every subject offered.

On the one hand, there are lots of factors coined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why authority figures at the school do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
students participate in subjects regarded for the opposite gender. The main factor is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of work and related to study fields are not appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
biological characteristics,
namely
a construction engineer working outdoors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require heavy physical activities which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are not able to feel up to do. Another factor is the level of sexual violence has increased more and more. The educational environment with the present of both genders and the continuity intensity is a source of peers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "evens"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'even' is not always incorrect.)
even
within the collapse period.

On the other hand
, it seems to me that it is absurd to carry on discriminate against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
student.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, women as long as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay the same rate of taxes on education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to serve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
opportunity. It gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
an advantage edge in joining a healthy competition.
Secondly
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both sexes to increase their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to have a closer relationship with the opposite gender by working together. Definitely, students of these schools will most
probably
have less matrimonial problems taking a leading role in population size in the future.

To sum up, despite lots of reason posed to advocate for the sexual discrimination, I would argue that it seems better if universities restrict on this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world many employees lack soft skills such as communication and working in teams What are the main causes of this problem What are the effects of lack of such skills v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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