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Youth unemployment is increasing in many countries in the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it? v.1

Youth unemployment is increasing in many countries in the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it? v. 1
People have different views on the subjects that university students should be allowed to study. While some people think that students should only be able to study subjects that these people think will be valuable in the future like science and technology, I believe that students should be able to choose their area of study. For many people, restricting university students to subjects like science and technology is an easy argument to make. The main reason is that these kinds of subjects contribute visibly to society. For example, improvements in medicine rely on advances in medical research, engineering, and computer science and technology. Only allowing students to study these kinds of subjects will mean that there will be more people available for work in these areas. While the benefits of more graduates in these kinds of useful subjects are clear, I believe that it would be a mistake to only allow students to study these subjects. This is because society is not able to accurately predict the future and what kinds of skills that people will need for jobs. For example, there may be entirely new fields created that need a strong artistic ability and solid writing skills. If students are only trained to be good scientists or engineers, they may not be able to succeed in these new fields. On the other hand, if we allow students to choose their major, society will be able to better adapt to the future. In conclusion, while it may seem reasonable to force students to study subjects that are currently viewed as useful, I believe that allowing students to choose what they study will help society be better prepared for whatever changes the future will bring.
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People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the
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subjects
that university
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students
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
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study
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
will be valuable in the future like science and technology, I believe that
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students
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to choose their area of study.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
, restricting university
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students
to
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subjects
like science and technology is an easy argument to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. The main reason is that these
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kinds
of
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subjects
contribute
visibly
to
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society
.
For example
, improvements in medicine rely on advances in medical research, engineering, and computer science and technology.
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Only
allowing
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students
to
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study
these
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kinds
of
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subjects
will mean that there will be more
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people
available for work in these areas.

While the benefits of more graduates in these
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kinds
of useful
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subjects
are
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clear
, I believe that it would be a mistake to
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
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students
to
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study
these
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subjects
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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society
is not
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able
to
accurately
predict the future and what
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kinds
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
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people
will need for jobs.
For example
, there may be
entirely
new fields created that need a strong artistic ability and solid writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If
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students
are
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only
trained to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scientists or engineers, they may not be
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able
to succeed in these new fields.
On the other hand
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose their major,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to better adapt to the future.

In conclusion
, while it may seem reasonable to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are
currently
viewed as useful, I believe that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
be better prepared for whatever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the future will bring.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Youth unemployment is increasing in many countries in the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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