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Tpo 5 Task 2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than the things they should. v.2

Tpo 5 Task 2 People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than the things they should. v. 2
Nowadays there are many modern enjoying stuffs that people spend time on and it is hard to say if they devote their main tasks in favor of getting pleasure. First, there are plenty of modern tempting activities which are trying to persuade people to allocate time and have fun with. As an example consider social networks such as facebook. People spend almost their time in this network finding some exciting events and even seeking an ideal partner. There is nothing wrong with it but the problems engage when people have a more important task to do but they don' t want to leave this network because it is somehow addictive. For instance, a mother prefers surfing the net instead of caring her baby and this may have some severe consequences. Second, nowadays people are more knowledgeable and they know they should allocate enough time for some enjoying activities. In fact, majority of people find it preferable to have a less busy schedule with more pleasure time because they aware this kind of life style will give them some benefits such as maintaining a healthy body. Followers of this school of thought believe that the more you enjoy the healthier you will be. Moreover, perpetuating is a desirable aim of human so it is likely to a longer life by working less and enjoy more. On the other hands, this modern life offers some marginal problems with itself which makes lives harder and less enjoyable. For example, although modern cars provide many opportunities for people to have fun with, they have also some problems such as heavy traffics. Heavy traffics are wasting a considerable part of people' s time which they wanted to spend on funny activities but they can' t. In addition, financial problems all over the world obligate people to work more and harder in order to afford life expenses and they can nothing to do but eliminating their enjoyments. All in all, I believe modern life allowed people to have more funny activities though it has some problems as well.
Nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
enjoying stuffs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to say if they devote their main tasks in favor of getting pleasure.

First
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
tempting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which are trying to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and have fun with. As an example consider social networks such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
spend almost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in this network finding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exciting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and even seeking an ideal partner. There is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
engage when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
task to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
this network
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is somehow addictive.
For instance
, a mother prefers surfing the net
instead
of caring her baby and this may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe consequences.

Second, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledgeable and
they know they should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In fact,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it preferable to have a less busy schedule with more pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they aware this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style will give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as maintaining a healthy body. Followers of this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believe that the more you enjoy the healthier you will be.
Moreover
, perpetuating is a desirable aim of human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is likely to a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by working less and enjoy more.

On the other hands, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
marginal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with itself which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
harder and less enjoyable.
For example
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
cars provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have fun with, they have
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as heavy traffics. Heavy traffics are wasting a considerable part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which they wanted to spend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t.
In addition
, financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
all over the world obligate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work more and harder in order to afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expenses and
they
The word 'nothing' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can nothing
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eliminating their enjoyments.

All in all, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
though it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo 5 Task 2 People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than the things they should. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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