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Task2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Task2: People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Most people believe that there is no direct relation between money and satisfaction. There are various factors other than money that can make people happy. Cheerfulness is a feeling that depends upon the needs of an individual and this makes it difficult to define. There are plenty of ways through which people can achieve contentment. Merriment is a subjective feeling, which makes it difficult to define. In other words, delectation depends entirely on an individual and his or her needs at any point of time. Different people might have different needs; hence factors which make people happy vary from person to person. Generally speaking, people tend to feel happy when their needs are satisfied. . Furthermore, as the needs of people change over the years, the factors influencing their exhilaration also change, making it more difficult to define felicity. For instance, a chocolate can make a child happy; however, it does not mean much for an adult. Money might be a source of joy for an adult, yet it is of little value for a child. There can be different factors which make people feel happy. One of the factors that might lead to elation is job satisfaction. If people are satisfied with the kind of job they are doing, they tend to feel happy. Another factor leading to happiness is a loving family and friends. If the people in an individual’s life are loving and caring, they tend to be happy. Finally, doing social work can also lead to happiness. In other words, people feel happy when they serve the society and contribute towards making it a better place to live in. For instance, a doctor might find pleasure in treating people for free. In conclusion, there are several factors that can contribute towards the euphoria of different individuals. However, specific factors which make individuals happy are those which satisfy their needs at that point of time.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there is no direct relation between money and satisfaction. There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
other than money that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Cheerfulness is a feeling that depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it difficult to define. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of ways through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve contentment.

Merriment is a subjective feeling, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it difficult to define.
In other words
, delectation depends
entirely
on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
at any point of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
;
hence
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factors
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
vary from person to person.
Generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
are satisfied
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Furthermore
, as the
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needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
influencing their exhilaration
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, making it more difficult to define felicity.
For instance
, a chocolate can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a child
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happy
;
however
, it does not mean much for an adult. Money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a source of joy for an adult,
yet
it is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
value for a child.

There can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to elation is job satisfaction. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are satisfied
with the kind of job they are doing, they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
leading to happiness is a loving family and friends. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
life
The verb 'loving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are loving
and caring, they tend to be
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happy
.
Finally
, doing social work can
also
lead to happiness.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
when they serve the society and contribute towards making it a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For instance
, a doctor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
find pleasure in treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for free.

In conclusion
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that can contribute towards the euphoria of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
However
, specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
are those which satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
at that point of time.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task2: People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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