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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
There are multiple reasons for a person to stick with a company for longer periods. It is argued that monetary benefit is the main cause behind this decision, but I think there are other more important factors contributing to this stay. This essay will vindicate this view with valid reasons. Money is rarely the reason why people remain at a firm. In fact, income is typically the main cause why people leave. It is frequently easier for job seekers to negotiate a higher salary at a different company that is eager to hire them than it is to get a similar pay rise at the current place of employment. For instance, in the co-operate most of the job shift happens just after a hard earned promotion because it works as a bargaining tool. For this reason, people in search of higher positions and higher compensation, generally make strategic decisions regarding their career moves and rarely stay in the same company for a sizable period of their career. Others may gain the benefits of a different nature from staying in the same organization. If the location is ideal, the benefits extraordinary or colleague’s exemplary, financial advantage may not provide enough of a temptation to leave. Of course for some, money is nothing more than a necessary evil and they would never dream of factoring it into the equation of pursuing a new position. So, being comfortable with many aspects is enough a valid justification to keep money secondary. To conclude, it is clear that at work remuneration is the primary factor of concern for many and they will accept or reject opportunities based on it. For others, a different ideology will lead their careers. Each chooses his path, hoping always for the best.
There are multiple reasons for a person to stick with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for longer periods. It
is argued
that monetary benefit is the main cause behind this decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are other more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors contributing to this stay. This essay will vindicate this view with valid reasons.

Money is rarely the reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
remain at a firm. In fact, income is
typically
the main cause why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. It is
frequently
easier for job seekers to negotiate a higher salary at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that is
eager to hire them than it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a similar pay rise at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
place of employment.
For instance
, in
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'co-operate' is correct. If 'co-operate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the co-operate
most of the job shift happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
promotion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it works as a bargaining tool.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in search of higher positions and higher compensation,
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strategic decisions regarding their career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
and rarely stay in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for a sizable period of their career.

Others may gain the benefits of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nature from staying in the same organization. If the location is ideal, the benefits extraordinary or colleague’s exemplary, financial advantage may not provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
of a temptation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.
Of course
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, money is nothing more than a necessary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
evil and
they would never dream of factoring it into the equation of pursuing a new position.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, being comfortable with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
a valid justification to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
money secondary.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that at work remuneration is the primary factor of concern for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
many and
they will accept or reject opportunities based on it. For others, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ideology will lead their careers. Each chooses his path, hoping always for the best.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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