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TPO 45 - Question 3Like many people, I was happy when the university opened a coffeehouse. A good coffeehouse is a perfect place to meet people or to study while having a coffee. Unfortunately, our coffeehouse usually empty, so its not a good place to mee v.1

TPO 45 - Question 3Like many people, I was happy when the university opened a coffeehouse. A good coffeehouse is a perfect place to meet people or to study while having a coffee. Unfortunately, our coffeehouse usually empty, so its not a good place to mee v. 1
As my country India is a developing one, so there are numerous problems need to overcome in order to stand besides the developed countries. Particularly, in the fields such as Information Technology, Agriculture and Pollution, there have been a lot of threats to be faced for next ten years. This essay will look at these problems and propose some solutions. To begin with, there must be tremendous growth in the Information technology sector, which contributes a major share to the national GDP for a developing nation. But the problem here is the security of our systems because hacking makes our systems and websites vulnerable. The solution for this issue is governments should build a strong firewall systems to safeguard the data and government websites. Another problem is that, as we belongs to the globalized village, most of the youth are not interested towards the agriculture. In my personal opinion, these people thought that it is not a lucrative business. To tackle this issue governments must support the farmers by teaching them with modern technology used to increase their yields which finally results in more income similarly like software employees. The third problem is the increasing rate of air pollution due to the construction of more and more power plants to meet the required demand load. Of course power is a major requirement for any developing country and it is also one of the main factors of national GDP. But the flue gases and waste materials coming out of the power plants may pollute the earth's atmosphere by increasing the level of carbon monoxide. The only solution to this issue is by increasing plantation. Everyone must involve in this activity of the plantation. To sum up, one should stand as a developed country, all the above said challenges must be overcome. My view is that the main responsibility lies in the hands of governments to enlighten all the citizens towards the success over the challenges to become a developed nation.
As my
country
India is a developing one,
so
there are numerous
problems
need to overcome in order to stand
besides
the developed
countries
.
Particularly
, in the fields such as Information Technology, Agriculture and Pollution, there have been
a lot of
threats to
be faced
for
next
ten years. This essay will look at these
problems
and propose
some
solutions.

To
begin
with, there
must
be tremendous growth in the Information technology sector, which contributes a major share to the national GDP for a developing nation.
But
the
problem
here is the security of our systems
because
hacking
makes
our systems and websites vulnerable. The solution for this issue is
governments
should build a strong firewall systems to safeguard the data and
government
websites.

Another
problem
is that, as we
belongs
to the globalized village, most of the youth are not interested towards the agriculture. In my personal opinion, these
people
thought
that it is not a lucrative business. To tackle this issue
governments
must
support the farmers by teaching them with modern technology
used
to increase their yields which
finally
results in more income
similarly
like software employees.

The third
problem
is the increasing rate of air pollution due to the construction of more and more power plants to
meet
the required demand load.
Of course
power is a major requirement for any developing
country
and it is
also
one of the main factors of national GDP.
But
the flue gases and waste materials coming out of the power plants may pollute the earth's atmosphere by increasing the level of carbon monoxide. The
only
solution to this issue is by increasing plantation. Everyone
must
involve in this activity of the plantation.

To sum up, one should stand as a developed
country
, all the above said challenges
must
be overcome
. My view is that the main responsibility lies in the hands of
governments
to enlighten all the citizens towards the success over the challenges to become a developed nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 45 - Question 3Like many people, I was happy when the university opened a coffeehouse. A good coffeehouse is a perfect place to meet people or to study while having a coffee. Unfortunately, our coffeehouse usually empty, so its not a good place to mee v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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