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Some people believe the youth can benefit from a wide range of information on the Internet while other people think unrestricted online information can affect the youth negatively. Discuss both views, and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe the youth can benefit from a wide range of information on the Internet while other people think unrestricted online information can affect the youth negatively. v. 1
It is believed that the role of women in the family and in the community has changed significantly in the past two decades. Although some people have called it a positive development, others think that it has caused some serious problems for children, since they have less attention from their mothers who are mostly working. To a certain extent, I would agree with the statement, but I think it will depend on the individuals themselves on how they manage their time. On the one hand, it is true that as a career woman, women have less time for their children. They have to leave home early in the morning, while their children are still sleeping in their bed and arrive back at night when the children will have been asleep. As a result, they have little time for their family and children are left at home alone. They become depressed or stress due to the lack of attention from their mothers and lead them in doing some negative things to attract their mother's attention, such as using drugs or involve in criminal activities. On the other hand, some working women have successfully balanced between their professional and personal time. They have learned to work in the most efficient and effective ways and managed their priority well. Therefore, they would not have to spend such a long hours at work and could give more time for their children. Consequently, the children would not be feeling abandoned or neglected, while the mothers could continue with their work. In conclusion, it is a fact that many women have become working women these days, and some people think that the trend has caused some problems for the children. To a certain level, I would agree that the rising number of working women could cause some problems for the family, as I think it depends on the person themselves. If they could manage their schedule and priority well, I think they could be successful working women and housewives as well.
It
is believed
that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the family and in the community has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
in the past two decades. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have called it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, since they have less attention from their mothers who are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. To a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it will depend on the individuals themselves on how they manage their time.

On the one hand, it is true that as a career woman,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home early in the morning, while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
still
sleeping in their bed and arrive back at night when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have been asleep.
As a result
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at home alone. They become depressed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to the lack of attention from their mothers and lead them in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things to attract their mother's attention, such as using drugs or involve in criminal activities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
successfully
balanced between their professional and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They have learned to work in the most efficient and effective ways and managed their priority well.
Therefore
, they would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend such a long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
at work and could give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not be feeling abandoned or neglected, while the mothers could continue with their work.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
these days, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the trend has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To a certain level, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for the family, as I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it depends on the person themselves. If they could manage their schedule and priority well, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they could be successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and housewives
as well
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the youth can benefit from a wide range of information on the Internet while other people think unrestricted online information can affect the youth negatively. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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