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Talk about one activity that you will do in the near future. Explain why you want to do this activity. v.1

Talk about one activity that you will do in the near future. Explain why you want to do this activity. v. 1
Nowadays, games and films are the most two intriguing methods of amusement. On the account of the fact that many of them contain violent content, some people believe that they are detrimental to the society and the government should prohibit their production, while others argue that the vehemence is only used for the sake of enjoyment. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give a reasoned opinion. On one side of the argument, teenagers could imitate the brutal actions that are demonstrated in one of the games or TV shows. In other words, these adolescents may be not aware enough how dangerous these movements could be. Recent research that was published in a scientific magazine clarifies that 10% of the teenagers' injuries are resulting from their imitation of one of the well-known superheroes. As a result of this, the government should take tangible measures to regulate or forbid the existence of violence in these materials. On the flip side, thanks to the internet and social media, people are now aware that the vehemence content is just for amusement. To clarify, games which depend on aggressive behaviours like fighting or killing the other opponents are the most successful ones because they engage the players in the event and grab their attention. Considering the renowned game, PUBG, as an example, it was downloaded by more than 2 billion smartphone users around the world, but it did not affect the crime rate or has any deleterious impact on the society. Having looked to both sides, since the violence content influences on the behaviour of some young people; games and films should demonstrate some clear cautions to avoid the harmful consequences. Nevertheless, I see that not only are video games and movies considered as a main source of entertainment, but they also add a sense of suspense and action to the people's experience. Hence, their prejudicial impact is negligible.
Nowadays,
games
and films are the most two intriguing methods of amusement. On the account of the fact that
many
of them contain violent content,
some
people
believe that they are detrimental to the society and the
government
should prohibit their production, while others argue that the vehemence is
only
used
for the sake of enjoyment. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give a reasoned opinion.

On one side of the argument,
teenagers
could imitate the brutal actions that
are demonstrated
in one of the
games
or TV
shows
.
In other words
, these adolescents may be not aware
enough
how
dangerous
these movements could be. Recent research that
was published
in a scientific magazine clarifies that 10% of the
teenagers
' injuries are resulting from their imitation of one of the well-known superheroes.
As a result
of this, the
government
should take tangible measures to regulate or forbid the existence of violence in these materials.

On the flip side, thanks to the internet and social media,
people
are
now
aware that the vehemence content is
just
for amusement. To clarify,
games
which depend on aggressive
behaviours
like fighting or killing the other opponents are the most successful ones
because
they engage the players in the
event
and grab their attention. Considering the renowned game, PUBG, as an example, it
was downloaded
by more than 2 billion smartphone users around the world,
but
it did not affect the crime rate or has any deleterious impact on the society.

Having looked to both sides, since the violence content influences on the
behaviour
of
some
young
people
;
games
and films should demonstrate
some
clear
cautions to avoid the harmful consequences.
Nevertheless
, I
see
that not
only
are video
games
and movies considered as a main source of entertainment,
but
they
also
add
a sense of suspense and action to the
people
's experience.
Hence
, their prejudicial impact is negligible.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about one activity that you will do in the near future. Explain why you want to do this activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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