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Describe a social or politics celebration event in your culture. Specificexamples and details are necessary in your statement. v.1

Describe a social or politics celebration event in your culture. Specificexamples and details are necessary in your statement. v. 1
Over the centuries, having devised various benefits to increase productivity and satisfaction of employees, most corporations offer holidays for this. According to the statement above, some people think at least 28 days of holidays should be provided. I strongly support them because workers need to refresh themselves and the period of time is long enough for this. Taking time for oneself and with family is essential for people since it motivates people to be more diligent and lively. Due to the heavy loads of work, employees must be fatigued and exhausted and the state hinders them to concentrate on their tasks. Many people, like me, are encouraged by going on a trip or visiting their family and those things are available for the holidays given by companies. For example, I prefer to use the holidays at once or twice because I enjoy to travel to foreign countries and meeting new people and visiting exotic places is the way I release stress. Furthermore, four weeks is an adequate period of time for holidays or vacation as it does not include sick days or personal days. If it includes them, those might find it insufficient and use it with reluctance as worrying about the unexpected future; they could be sick or they might need to take a day off due to parents’ health. However, the four weeks’ holiday mentioned in the statement is only for their rest and that is the reason why I insist that 28 days is a great number of breaks to develop outputs at work. In conclusion, I completely agree with the remark since for the amount of time many people can recover their energy by going on vacations, spending their personal time and so on.
Over the centuries, having devised various benefits to increase productivity and satisfaction of employees, most corporations offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
for this. According to the statement above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
at least 28 days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
should
be provided
. I
strongly
support them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
workers need to refresh themselves and the period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for this.

Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for oneself and with family is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since it motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more diligent and lively. Due to the heavy loads of work, employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be fatigued
and exhausted and the state hinders them to concentrate on their tasks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, like me,
are encouraged
by going on a trip or visiting their family and those things are available for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, I prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
at once or twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I enjoy to travel to foreign countries and meeting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and visiting exotic places is the way I release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Furthermore
, four weeks is an adequate period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
or vacation as it does not include sick days or personal days. If it includes them, those might find it insufficient and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it with reluctance as worrying about the unexpected future; they could be
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sick or
they might need to take a day off due to parents’ health.
However
, the four weeks’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
mentioned in the statement is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their rest and
that is
the reason why I insist that 28 days is a great number of breaks to develop outputs at work.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the remark since for the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can recover their energy by going on vacations, spending their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a social or politics celebration event in your culture. Specificexamples and details are necessary in your statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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