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247. In some cultures, students are in all-women or all-men classes, while in other cultures have women and men in the same classes. Compare the advantages of both types of classrooms. Use specific details in your response. v.1

247. In some cultures, students are in all-women or all-men classes, while in other cultures have women and men in the same classes. Compare the advantages of both types of classrooms. Use specific details in your response. v. 1
Nowadays parents are facing a big challenge when it comes to how they manage the time spent by their children in front of screens, such as television, computer and game consoles. While some believe these experiences have bigger drawbacks than benefits, I would argue the opposite. To begin with the negative aspects, the increasing amount of time dedicated by infants to gadgets, especially game consoles, has somewhat reduced how frequently they actually practice any physical activities. This is due to the appeal of beautiful graphics delivered by games and how easily sitting on the couch and immediately starting to have fun with any of their online friends is. For example, in a matter of seconds a player can connect to an online gaming network and play a soccer game. Compare that to actually having to go to a soccer field and manage the schedule of each team member. As a result, their quality of life may be decreased by the lack of time spent exercising and enjoying the outside world. On the other hand, I believe content brought by television and games bring a plethora of benefits to youngsters. That audience has the opportunity to learn, without even noticing, huge amounts of information regarding places and events by watching an action movie related to an historical event, such as World War II. Children can also learn a set of useful skills when playing games. For example, management simulators, such as Sim City, can help them better understanding how to handle budget planning and understand the scarcity of money. Consequently, those who learn these skills at earlier ages will certainly be better prepared for the challenges of adult life. In conclusion, while there are those who believe children should not dedicate too much time to television and games, due to health related issues, I support that this behavior can be greatly beneficial to them, by broadening their horizons and allowing them to develop useful skills.
Nowadays parents are facing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to how they manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent by their children in front of screens, such as television, computer and game consoles. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe these experiences have bigger drawbacks than benefits, I would argue the opposite.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects, the increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
dedicated by infants to gadgets,
especially
game consoles, has somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
how
frequently
they actually practice any physical activities. This is due to the appeal of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
graphics delivered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and how
easily
sitting on the couch and immediately starting to have fun with any of their online friends is.
For example
, in a matter of seconds a player can connect to an online gaming network and play a soccer game. Compare that to actually having to go to a soccer field and manage the schedule of each team member.
As a result
, their quality of life may
be decreased
by the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent exercising and enjoying the outside world.

On the other hand
, I believe content brought by television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
bring a plethora of benefits to youngsters. That audience has the opportunity to learn, without even noticing, huge amounts of information regarding places and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
by watching an action movie related to an historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, such as World War II. Children can
also
learn a set of useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, management simulators, such as Sim City, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them better understanding how to handle budget planning and understand the scarcity of money.
Consequently
, those who learn these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at earlier ages will
certainly
be better prepared for the challenges of adult life.

In conclusion
, while there are those who believe children should not dedicate too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, due to health related issues, I support that this behavior can be
greatly
beneficial to them, by broadening their horizons and allowing them to develop useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 247. In some cultures, students are in all-women or all-men classes, while in other cultures have women and men in the same classes. Compare the advantages of both types of classrooms. Use specific details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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