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TPO 46Question: Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to old v.2

TPO 46Question: Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to old v. 2
Celebrities, a special part of the society, have aroused discussions and even debates over their influence on the public. Celebrities, in many people' s view, have a significant impact on the old' s life. Contrary to the opinion they hold, my perspective is that celebrities play a more important role in young people than they do in the old people. When it comes to this kind of issue about the influence of celebrities, we need to consider what aspects of our life affected by them. The answer might depend on a lot of factors such as how an individual' s earlier experience was. For me, to be honest, personalities and self-development are the most obvious facets influenced by their opinions. What should be discussed first is that athletes shape my personalities, including competition and persistence. First of all, it is from those athletes that I learn the importance of competition. This should not be surprising since often if they do not compete and perform excellently, it is likely for them to warm the bench. Similarly, if I cannot outperform most students, professors hardly pay attention to me, let alone communicate frequently with me. Additionally, what I have to say is the persistence those athletes teach me. After tripping and falling, we have to stand up and continue to run toward our destinations. Without athletes' opinions and behaviors, there might be no point for me in developing these two good priorities. In contrast, my grandpa can live happily without the requirement for competing and insisting on something. What should be also worth our discussing is that celebrities' opinions benefit my self-development from both aspects of career and relationship. For one thing, the two good attributes mentioned above really place me as a beneficiary. To be more specific, competence enables me to get a promotion, and persistence comes in very handy, especially when I struggle with thorny issues. For another thing, I admit that entertainers offer me some same topics with friends and colleagues. Of course, entertainers function as a good stress reducer, making me capable tackling stress and maintaining a healthy relationship with myself as well. All these advantages I get from celebrities boost my self-development not only at work but also in daily life. Unlike the youth, most of the elder usually do not need to develop their careers, and they talk about health but not entertainers on a daily basis. To sum it up, there are many aspects influenced by celebrities opinions, but for me personalities and self-development are the top two priorities over all other aspects. Therefore, the opinions of celebrities, in these two facets, seem to influence youngsters more than the old.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
, a special part of the society, have aroused discussions and even debates over their influence on the public.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s view, have a significant impact on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
old&
#039; s life. Contrary to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
they hold, my perspective is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
play a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than they do in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to this kind of issue about the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, we need to consider what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of our life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by them. The answer might depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
factors such as how an
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s earlier experience was. For me, to be honest, personalities and self-development are the most obvious facets influenced by their opinions.

What should
be discussed
first
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
shape my personalities, including competition and persistence.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
that I learn the importance of competition. This should not be surprising since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
if they do not compete and perform
excellently
, it is likely for them to warm the bench.
Similarly
, if I cannot outperform most students, professors hardly pay attention to me,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone communicate
frequently
with me.
Additionally
, what I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say is the persistence those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
teach me. After tripping and falling, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stand up and continue to run toward our destinations. Without
Possible spelling mistake found.
athletes&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
and behaviors, there might be no point for me in developing these two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
priorities.
In contrast
, my grandpa can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
without the requirement for competing and insisting on something.

What should be
also
worth our discussing is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
benefit my self-development from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of career and relationship. For one thing, the two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attributes mentioned above
really
place me as a beneficiary. To be more specific, competence enables me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion, and persistence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy,
especially
when I struggle with thorny issues. For another thing, I admit that entertainers offer me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
same topics with friends and colleagues.
Of course
, entertainers function as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reducer, making me capable tackling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and maintaining a healthy relationship with myself
as well
. All these advantages I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
boost my self-development not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in daily life. Unlike the youth, most of the elder
usually
do not need to develop their careers, and they talk about health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not entertainers on a daily basis.

To sum it up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for me personalities and self-development are the top two priorities over all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, in these two facets, seem to influence youngsters more than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 46Question: Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to old v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
445 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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