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TPO 46: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v.3

TPO 46: The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v. 3
In our society people are subjected to lots of external factors that could easily impress them and orient their behavior and notions. A controversial question regarding this issue is whether the opinions of celebrities mean more to youngsters rather than older people or not. I do believe that youngsters are more impressed by athletes and renowned figures than older people. In the following paragraphs, I will cogently elaborate on my viewpoint through some apparent reasons. The most prominent point to be mentioned is that there is a huge difference between youngsters and older people and consequently they have their own specific stimulus. One of the most obvious differences between these two groups the level of their overall knowledge, experience, and insight about different issues. As you know when someone is in the pinnacle of success and fame some groups of people follow their thoughts and orientation without deeply think about them. Also sometimes the media exaggerate these characters and intensify the receptivity of some groups, especially youngsters, to the opinion of these figures. It is mainly due to the fact that young people are not fully matured and do not have deep insight into some matters. Therefore they are blindly more open to the opinion of celebrities and follow them. On the other hand, older people have a broader horizon about issues and the opinion of famous people can not easily impress them. Another equally important and clear point coming to my mind is the matter of age. In each stage of life, human has different interests, concerns, and priorities. In this regard, there is an obvious discrepancy between the interests of young people and older people. For instance, youngsters are very careful about their appearance and like to appear up to date. Therefore, they take celebrities as their role models in fashion and other issues and follow their lifestyles and their opinion in these areas is important for them and young people try to track them in social media. However, older people have drastically different concerns and preoccupations. They try to live their own lives and the celebrities' opinions do not matter to them. To sum up, considering the previous paragraphs, I believe it is reasonable to draw the conclusion that the opinion of celebrities is more important for youngsters than older people. It is mostly due to the fact that young people are more receptive to external stimuli and also they have different interests than older people and their desires are closer to that of celebrities.
In our society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are subjected
to lots of external factors that could
easily
impress them and orient their behavior and notions. A controversial question regarding this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
mean more to youngsters
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or not. I do believe that youngsters are more impressed by athletes and renowned figures than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the following paragraphs, I will
cogently
elaborate on my viewpoint through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
apparent reasons.

The most prominent point to
be mentioned
is that there is a huge difference between youngsters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
consequently
they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
specific stimulus. One of the most obvious differences between
The verb 'groups' is singular. Did you mean: "these two group"?
these two groups
the level of their
overall
knowledge, experience, and insight about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. As you know when someone is in the pinnacle of success and fame
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow their thoughts and orientation without
deeply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the media exaggerate these characters and intensify the receptivity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups,
especially
youngsters, to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
of these figures. It is
mainly
due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
fully
matured and do not have deep insight into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
matters.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they are
blindly
more open to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and follow them.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a broader horizon about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
easily
impress them.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
point coming to my mind is the matter of age. In each stage of life, human has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
interests, concerns, and priorities. In this regard, there is an obvious discrepancy between the interests of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful about their appearance and like to appear up to date.
Therefore
, they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as their role models in fashion and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and follow their lifestyles and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
in these areas is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
them in social media.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
drastically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
concerns and preoccupations. They try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
do not matter to them.

To sum up, considering the previous paragraphs, I believe it is reasonable to draw the conclusion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for youngsters than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
mostly
due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more receptive to external stimuli and
also
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
interests than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their desires are closer to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 46: The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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