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TPO 46- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answe v.2

TPO 46- The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answe v. 2
Despite educating the past, there are those who say that it is not valuable for citizens far comprehension of occupy the modern world. It is partially agreed that studying the history, past can advantageous to us. This essay will discuss both views and support why learning the historical event should relate to in the our present time. Nowadays, most people are only able to learn about fundamental throughout the history since there is no way that they could turn back time to observe that specific event. It properly contains the cultural traditions which notice people about their roots. Because of oversea tradition, it frequently impacts on our actions and visions. A good example for this is dressing clothes, people should regard to the ownership symbolics. This action displays the country’s image that can attract the foreigners for visiting and becoming tourist attractions. On the other hand, there are some arguments why receiving historical data have without value for modernised people to live. Some opponents argue that history makes people more backwardness. Learning the new things possibly take various benefits, particularly IT. If the public administration addicted to the past, the public transportations, such as subway, and Skytrain seem to be underdeveloped for passengers to use obviously. In conclusion, studying the past should not be the main reason for people to live in the present era because in this case people would not motivate to think about the modernist era, although it also has taken skip the own cultures and ancestors. As a suggestion, the government should launch a campaign to educate school concerning take schedule for both subjects because both things are equally important.
Despite educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, there are those who say that it is not valuable for citizens far comprehension of occupy the modern world. It is
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that studying the history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
can advantageous to us. This essay will discuss both views and support why learning the historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
should relate to in
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our present" or "the present"?
the our present
time.

Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to learn about fundamental throughout the history since there is no way that they could turn back time to observe that specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. It
properly
contains the cultural traditions which notice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about their roots.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of oversea tradition, it
frequently
impacts on our actions and visions. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for this is dressing clothes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should regard to the ownership
Possible spelling mistake found.
symbolics
. This action displays the country’s image that can attract the foreigners for visiting and becoming tourist attractions.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments why receiving historical data have without value for
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opponents argue that history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more backwardness. Learning the new things
possibly
take various benefits,
particularly
IT. If the public administration addicted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, the public transportations, such as subway, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Skytrain
seem to
be underdeveloped
for passengers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
obviously
.

In conclusion
, studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
should not be the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the present era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not motivate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the modernist era, although it
also
has taken skip the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultures and ancestors. As a suggestion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should launch a campaign to educate school concerning take schedule for both subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both things are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay TPO 46- The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answe v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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