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Today, in many countries, people in big cities live either alone or in small family units, rather than a large, extended family groups. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Today, in many countries, people in big cities live either alone or in small family units, rather than a large, extended family groups. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Introduction: Recently, there has been many opinions say that due to our inability to help everyone in other countries, we should only take care of our own communities and countries. However, I do not agree with this view and think that we should devote ourselves to help as many people as possible. Firstly, despite our thoughts, help is being needed in many nations and cities in the word. For instance, in these years, many countries have been struggling with various severe problems such as poverty, starving people, contaminated water sources and more. However, with the problems being worse and worse due to climate change, lack of financial resources, governments in these countries are slowly losing their control over the issues. Therefore, support from the international communities is greatly required for these countries. Being the ones who have better living conditions, it is our responsibility to provide help for these people. Secondly, helping others can come from simple and little actions that will not make us any difficult to do. Specifically, it can be small donations of money gained from saving daily costs, sending clothes that we no longer wear to the needy or even take part in some small voluntary events. Although this does not seem much for a volunteer, if everyone in a community realizes this and together join the activities, it can create unexpected results that would be really meaningful to those countries or communities that receive the support. Conclusion: Last but not least, although it is impossible for one to help solving problems all over the world, the miracle can be created if we believe and together create the changes.
Introduction: Recently, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opinions say that due to our inability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take care of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should devote ourselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as possible.

Firstly
, despite our thoughts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is
being needed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations and cities in the word.
For instance
, in these years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been struggling with various severe problems such as poverty, starving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, contaminated water sources and more.
However
, with the problems being worse and worse due to climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, lack of financial resources,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
slowly
losing their control over the issues.
Therefore
, support from the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
is
greatly
required for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Being the ones who have better living conditions, it is our responsibility to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, helping others can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from simple and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
actions that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us any difficult to do.
Specifically
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
donations of money gained from saving daily costs, sending clothes that we no longer wear to the needy or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
voluntary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Although this does not seem much for a volunteer, if everyone in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
realizes this and together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the activities, it can create unexpected results that would be
really
meaningful to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
that receive the support.

Conclusion: Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, although it is impossible for one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to solve" or "solve".
solving
problems all over the world, the miracle can
be created
if we believe and together create the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, in many countries, people in big cities live either alone or in small family units, rather than a large, extended family groups. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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