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People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v.1

People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v. 1
Over the centuries, humanity has been trying to achieve an ideal Society. Although it would be far from easy to reach perfection, people are still continuing their efforts to live in a circumstance. From my point of view, a number of factors could be considered as an ideal Society which will be examined in this essay and introduced some ways which should be done to reach the zenith. There is no denying the fact that preserving human rights is one of the main factors to have an ideal society. According to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights 1951, access to free education, free health services, and a decent job to provide standards of living will lead to establish a perfect society and increase the rate of satisfaction among citizens. In order to reach this purpose, governments have obligated to improve the infrastructure of the health services, make education compulsory and free for all children, and provide more job opportunities relevant to one education. Therefore, not only does it improve the standards of living, but also grows the satisfaction in society. Another important factor is that the country’s citizens live in a safe and secure circumstance. To illustrate, the percentage of migration caused by either civil war or political unrest has increased significantly especially in the Middle East. If the principles of democracy and international commitments are obeyed by the politicians, people can live in their country without fear and concern. So, it is completely possible to set up a society based on peace and equal laws which guarantee human lives. Finally, building up a society based on moral values such as respecting, helping, loving is what people always looking at them which they could come true if there is bond cooperation between people. Increasing people’s awareness through non-international organizations such as NGOs and campaigns is regarded as the best way. In this condition, people can reach their dream and lives in an ideal society. In conclusion, in order to achieve perfection, many factors are considered respecting human rights, reducing the political crisis and improving social values. Reaching these dreams, governments and citizens should cooperate with each other.
Over the centuries, humanity has been trying to achieve an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
. Although it would be far from easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
perfection,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
continuing their efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a circumstance. From my point of view, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
could
be considered
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
which will
be examined
in this essay and introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways which should
be done
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
the zenith.

There is no denying the fact that preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
rights is one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. According to the Universal Declaration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
Rights 1951, access to free education, free health services, and a decent job to provide standards of living will lead to establish a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and increase the rate of satisfaction among citizens. In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
this purpose,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have obligated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the infrastructure of the health services,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
education compulsory and free for all children, and provide more job opportunities relevant to one education.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standards of living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
grows the satisfaction in society.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is that the country’s citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a safe and secure circumstance. To illustrate, the percentage of migration caused by either civil war or political unrest has increased
significantly
especially
in the Middle East. If the principles of democracy and international commitments
are obeyed
by the politicians,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in their country without fear and concern.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is completely possible to set up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
based on peace and equal laws which guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Finally
, building up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
based on moral values such as respecting, helping, loving is what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always looking at them which they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true if there is bond cooperation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness through non-international organizations such as NGOs and campaigns
is regarded
as the best way. In this condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
their dream and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
society.

In conclusion
, in order to achieve perfection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are considered
respecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
rights, reducing the political crisis and improving social values. Reaching these dreams,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and citizens should cooperate with each other.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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