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People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v.2

People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v. 2
Nowadays, the youth's participation on community issue has enhanced day by day, some people's belief that massive changes in the living standard are one of the main reasons for the involvement of juveniles on social issues like alcoholism, enhancing criminal activities, lack of qualified workforce, etc. However, I strongly agree that if parents have less attention and less care towards their children, it will be increasing the chances of teen's involvement in such social issues. This is the era of modernization, people are spending more time with their work and busy in maintaining their status in society. Among these, they don't have adequate time to monitor children. Consequently, there will be high chances of the bad company of friends since they have more freedom. This will insist them to involve such criminal activities and enhancing the social violence by including in illegal drug, alcoholism, and smoking etc. Children are the future of the country, so parents should provide a conducive environment to boost their self-confidence and support them to get a quality education. As a teenager, they are vulnerable emotionally and not ready to take the right decision about their life. In such a situation, they will not give that much importance to their studies and career. However, shortly, society will face a lack of efficient and educated workforce, as a result, it will directly affect the development of the country. In conclusion, parents are the first teacher of children and guardian should show the correct way and help them to be a part of society. Modernization is the demand of time. However; we should not negligence to the child's needs, this will affect their growth and increase the social issues. A parent should always give priority to their children for their bright future and to create a civilized society.
Nowadays, the youth's participation on community issue has enhanced day by day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's belief that massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the living standard are one of the main reasons for the involvement of juveniles on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues like alcoholism, enhancing criminal activities, lack of qualified workforce, etc.
However
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have less attention and less care towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it will be increasing the chances of teen's involvement in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues.

This is the era of modernization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spending more time with their work and busy in maintaining their status in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Among these, they don't have adequate time to monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, there will be high chances of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of friends since they have more freedom. This will insist them to involve such criminal activities and enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
violence by including in illegal drug, alcoholism, and smoking etc.

Children are the future of the country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should provide a conducive environment to boost their self-confidence and support them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a quality education. As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, they are vulnerable
emotionally
and not ready to take the right decision about their life. In such a situation, they will not give that much importance to their studies and career.
However
, shortly,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will face a lack of efficient and educated workforce,
as a result
, it will
directly
affect the development of the country.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teacher of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and guardian should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the correct way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Modernization is the demand of time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
; we
The word 'negligence' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should not negligence
to the child's needs, this will affect their growth and increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should always give priority to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their bright future and to create a civilized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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