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The bar chart shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013 v.1

The bar chart shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013 v. 1
Rather should we seek out another plant had been a debatable topic. From my point of view, I partly agree with the opinion above that another planet is our possible solution. On the one hand, there are two main reasons that I think scientists should find another asteroid for us to live in. First, the residents on earth has soared dramatically since the industrialization period, which leads to the population explosion. To cover people’s basic demands, mineral resources are over exploited, the air, water is being seriously polluted. In fact, the overload population in the city of Hanoi makes a major contribution to the increase in the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere, which results in many respiratory illnesses. Second, finding out another asteroid, which is habitable could be a gigantic discovery to the advancement of science. This event could have an important impact as Nail Armstrong’s first step on the moon. On the other hand, multi-reason is given to explain why we shouldn’t leave out the earth. Seeking out another sphere could be tremendously expensive, it could make up to several billion dollars. However, the percentage of our success is remarkably small. In addition, our cutting edge technologies are far from sophisticated to seek out a habitable asteroid in a short amount of time. For instant, it takes at least 6 months to our most modern space shuttle to reach the moon. Meanwhile, the nearest asteroid to our Milky Way is far from us up to a hundred light-years. Because of that, the time for us to find a habitable planet could extremely long In conclusion, searching for another asteroid could solve our struggling problems like population explosion. Besides that, seeking out a habitable sphere could be one of the greatest achievements. In contrast, time-consuming and low percentage are two problems that needed to be taken into account
Rather
should we seek out another plant had been a debatable topic. From my point of view, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion above that another planet is our possible solution.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
scientists should find another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asteroid
for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
First
, the residents on earth has soared
dramatically
since the industrialization period, which leads to the population explosion. To cover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s basic demands, mineral resources are over exploited, the air, water is being
seriously
polluted. In fact, the overload population in the city of Hanoi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a major contribution to the increase in the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere, which results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
respiratory illnesses. Second, finding out another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asteroid
, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitable
could be a gigantic discovery to the advancement of science. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
could have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impact as Nail Armstrong’s
first
step on the moon.

On the other hand
, multi-reason is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why we shouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
out the earth. Seeking out another sphere could be
tremendously
expensive, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up to several billion dollars.
However
, the percentage of our success is
remarkably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
.
In addition
, our cutting edge technologies are far from sophisticated to seek out a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asteroid
in a short amount of time. For instant, it takes at least 6 months to our most modern space shuttle to reach the moon. Meanwhile, the nearest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asteroid
to our Milky Way is far from us up to a hundred light-years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, the time for us to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitable
planet could
extremely
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
long


In conclusion
, searching for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asteroid
could solve our struggling problems like population explosion.
Besides
that, seeking out a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitable
sphere could be one of the greatest achievements.
In contrast
, time-consuming and low percentage are two problems that needed to
be taken
into
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
account
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The bar chart shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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