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International tourism is becoming the world’s biggest industry. Unfortunately, it often creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

International tourism is becoming the world’s biggest industry. Unfortunately, it often creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. v. 1
There is a vast number of co-ed schools across the world, However some people believe that it would be more advantageous for both the genders to study in a single-sex school. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this and I believe that with the coexistence of each other the adolescents can learn and develop into a great extend. Studying together in a co-ed academy could provide a huge amount of learning. This means when a boy and a girl studies in one school, they would be able to learn and develop from each others differences. Both the genders have unique characteristics, which could be learnt in the presence of each other. For example, boys are normally very outspoken and to a large extend are able to speak out, whereas girls normally are more quite and do not always speak out. In this case clearly the girls can learn from the boys how to be more outspoken. Another way, the co-education could benefit the adolescents, is by developing good interpersonal skills. This is because as they grow into adults and enter the work life they will have to deal with the opposite gender, and if they have studied in a mixed school, it would make it much easier for them to converse with each other. For example, one of my colleague at work, has a tough time in communicating with the opposite gender, as she had always been in a single- sex school, she now feels very intimidated talking to any male employee. This has resulted in creating a negative impact in her work life. Education in a co-ed school will help one in developing better skills for dealing with the opposite gender, making it beneficial for the long run. To conclude, mixed education should be practised across the world, as it improves a person's interpersonal skills, as well as provides a platform where different genders can learn from the attributes of each other.
There is a vast number of co-ed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
across the world,
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it would be more advantageous for both the genders to study in a single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this and I believe that with the coexistence of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
the adolescents can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and develop into a great extend.

Studying together in a co-ed academy could provide a huge amount of learning. This means when a boy and a girl studies in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they would be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and develop from each others differences. Both the genders have unique characteristics, which could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in the presence of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For example
, boys are
normally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
outspoken and to a large extend are able to speak out, whereas girls
normally
are more quite and do not always speak out.
In this case
clearly
the girls can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from the boys how to be more outspoken.

Another way, the co-education could benefit the adolescents, is by developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as they grow into adults and enter the work life they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with the opposite gender, and if they have studied in a mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it much easier for them to converse with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For example
, one of my colleague at work, has a tough time in communicating with the opposite gender, as she had always been in a single- sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
feels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intimidated talking to any male employee. This has resulted in creating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in her work life. Education in a co-ed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one in developing better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for dealing with the opposite gender, making it beneficial for the long run.

To conclude
, mixed education should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
across the world, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
a person's interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
as well
as provides a platform where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
genders can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from the attributes of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay International tourism is becoming the world’s biggest industry. Unfortunately, it often creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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