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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Artists and musicians are important to the society. v.303

Artists and musicians are important to the society. v. 303
In most countries, the budget allocated for urban areas to provide transportation facilities is much higher as compared to rural areas. This can be the reason for many issues such as overpopulation and environmental pollution in some certain areas of a country. In this essay, we will discuss such issues in detail and will propose suitable solutions to overcome these problems. Most of the government officials reserve most of the transportation budget for cities that can raise the issue of overpopulation in those areas. Because people living in rural areas near the city also need common facilities such as school, hospitals, post offices etc. That is why people shift to nearest cities, which ultimately makes the cities overcrowded. To illustrate, many persons from villages near the Lahore (second biggest city of Pakistan) moved to the city area because of unavailability of basic necessities of life. To resolve this issue management needs to take some serious actions and first of all builds roads nearest village areas that will motivate private investors to build shopping malls, schools and hospitals there. Moreover, crowded areas will have more pollution in the areas because every person will try to have their own ride, which will be the reason for environmental pollution. Furthermore, people leaving the village areas in search of common facilities of life will definitely prefer to work in offices or factories as labour rather than staying in rural areas for farming or to grow agricultural goods for others and the result of this issue is a shortage of food in the country. That’s why every individual need to highlight these issues in front of administration officials to allocate a significant amount of the rural area's transportation. In conclusion, if a country distributes transportation funds without thinking about the needs of rural areas, many issues such as overpopulation, environmental population, shortage of food will be raised, so governments need to distribute funds for transportation according to a number of citizens and their requirements.
In most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the budget allocated for urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
facilities is much higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This can be the reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as overpopulation and environmental pollution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In this essay, we will discuss such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in detail and will propose suitable solutions to overcome these problems.

Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials reserve most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that can raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of overpopulation in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
near the city
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
common facilities such as school, hospitals, post offices etc.
That is
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
shift to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the nearest".
nearest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
overcrowded. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons from villages near the Lahore (second biggest city of Pakistan)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unavailability of
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of life. To resolve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious actions and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
builds roads
A determiner is probably missing here: "the nearest".
nearest
village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
that will motivate private investors to build shopping malls, schools and hospitals there.

Moreover
, crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will have more pollution in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every person will try to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ride, which will be the reason for environmental pollution.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
leaving the village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in search of common facilities of life will definitely prefer to work in offices or factories as
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
rather
than staying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for farming or to grow agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for others and the result of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is a shortage of food in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. That’s why every individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to highlight these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in front of administration officials to allocate a significant amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
area's transportation.

In conclusion
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
distributes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
funds without thinking about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as overpopulation, environmental population, shortage of food will
be raised
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to distribute funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
according to a number of citizens and their requirements.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Artists and musicians are important to the society. v. 303

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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