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TPO 45 - Question 2The woman disagrees with the student's proposal for the coffeehouse. Explain the proposal and the reasons she gives for disagreeing with it. v.1

TPO 45 - Question 2The woman disagrees with the student's proposal for the coffeehouse. Explain the proposal and the reasons she gives for disagreeing with it. v. 1
Currently, everything in our life from society to even our home is affected by information technology because of its remarkable advancement. Personally, I follow the idea that this will bring back more positives than negatives by the rationales following. On the one hand, people cannot deny the massive contribution of information technology in life. Specifically, it can help humans save time. For example, thanks to its development, housewives do not have to go to supermarkets or stores to purchase food and necessities, for they just sit at home to shop online and with a few clicks, the products will be delivered to their house. Therefore, they can have time to relax and do other things. Moreover, information technology makes everything easier and simpler because of its various functions. For instance, office workers use computers to work online with their colleagues, students find reference materials on the Internet to conduct research and children play video games to escape from the stress of studying. Finally, information technology is also the best assistant to humans. With the invention of artificial intelligence, it is being utilized for a wide range of activities including medical diagnosis, electronic trading platforms, robot control, and remote sensing. On the other hand, everyone knows clearly that this is an ideal chance for criminals to act, which they can steal personal data of individuals for illegal purposes such as demanding ransom, hacking bank account or committing copyright infringement. To sum up, I believe that information technology offers lots of benefits to the public, provided that they must have the awareness of potential dangers and know how to limit the risks may occur when receiving supports from it.
Currently
, everything in our life from society to even our home is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its remarkable advancement.
Personally
, I follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that this will bring back more positives than negatives by the rationales following.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot deny the massive contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in life.
Specifically
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
humans save time.
For example
, thanks to its development, housewives do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to supermarkets or stores to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
food and necessities, for they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit at home to shop online and with a few clicks, the products will
be delivered
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Therefore
, they can have time to relax and do other things.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
everything easier and simpler
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its various functions.
For instance
, office workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers to work online with their colleagues, students find reference materials on the Internet to conduct research and children play video games to escape from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of studying.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
also
the best assistant to humans. With the invention of artificial intelligence, it is
being utilized
for a wide range of activities including medical diagnosis, electronic trading platforms, robot control, and remote sensing.

On the other hand
, everyone knows
clearly
that this is an ideal chance for criminals to act, which they can steal personal data of individuals for illegal purposes such as demanding ransom, hacking bank account or committing copyright infringement.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
offers lots of benefits to the public, provided that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the awareness of potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and know how to limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
may occur when receiving supports from it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 45 - Question 2The woman disagrees with the student's proposal for the coffeehouse. Explain the proposal and the reasons she gives for disagreeing with it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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