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The women is not sure if she should move from dorm to an apartment. The 2 friends discuss 2 solutions to her problem. Which option would you prefer and why? v.1

The women is not sure if she should move from dorm to an apartment. The 2 friends discuss 2 solutions to her problem. Which option would you prefer and why? v. 1
Certain individuals suggest that it is impossible to help everyone in the world, hence we should only worry about the people who are in the same communities and countries with us. However, I believe that people should try to help others regardless of nationality. On the one hand, it is reasonable that people tend to care bout their neighbours and fellow citizens. Comparing with foreigners who live far away from them, they have more opportunities to meet someone who is close to them, like schoolmates, relatives and friends, has financial or other difficulties and needs some material supports. These people are easier to help. For example, students can help their classmates, who are impoverished, in multiple ways, like donating some clothes, preparing meals and accompanying with them. On the other hand, I encourage people to try to help foreigners whoever need aid in different ways, because they probably could have a better life or even get a chance to survive from our assistance. For instance, some undeveloped countries, particularly which are lack of medical facilities and goods, are not capable to rescue all the victims in some catastrophic disasters, such as earthquakes, tsunamis and volcano eruptions. Numerous pathetic victims could survive from these tragedies if everybody in the world would try to assist these people as possible as they can. To conclude, while it is easier to help someone who is close to us, however, I suggest that people should try to assist others wherever they come from, because sometimes this is related to others’ lives.
Certain individuals suggest that it is impossible to
help
everyone in the world,
hence
we should
only
worry about the
people
who
are in the same communities and countries with us.
However
, I believe that
people
should try to
help
others regardless of nationality.

On the one hand, it is reasonable that
people
tend to care bout their
neighbours
and fellow citizens. Comparing with foreigners
who
live
far away from them, they have more opportunities to
meet
someone
who
is close to them, like schoolmates, relatives and friends, has financial or
other
difficulties and needs
some
material supports. These
people
are easier to
help
.
For example
, students can
help
their classmates,
who
are impoverished
, in multiple ways, like donating
some
clothes, preparing meals and
accompanying with
them.

On the
other
hand, I encourage
people
to try to
help
foreigners whoever need aid in
different
ways,
because
they
probably
could have a better life or even
get
a chance to survive from our assistance.
For instance
,
some
undeveloped countries,
particularly
which are lack of medical facilities and
goods
, are not capable to rescue all the victims in
some
catastrophic disasters, such as earthquakes, tsunamis and volcano eruptions. Numerous pathetic victims could survive from these tragedies if everybody in the world would try to assist these
people
as possible as they can.

To conclude
, while it is easier to
help
someone
who
is close to us,
however
, I suggest that
people
should try to assist others wherever they
come
from,
because
sometimes
this
is related
to others’
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The women is not sure if she should move from dorm to an apartment. The 2 friends discuss 2 solutions to her problem. Which option would you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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