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Campus Construction Should Happen During the Summer---The woman expresses her opinion about the student's proposal. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.2

Campus Construction Should Happen During the Summer---The woman expresses her opinion about the student's proposal. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 2
The average percentage of obesity is showing incline in contrast to the well-being and physical fitness of people which is falling. The increase in the rate of the heavy masses is the result of unhealthy lifestyle. This essay will first discuss the reasons which are contributors of illness, and secondly will state the initiatives that can be adopted to resolve the health issues. Firstly, the primary two aspects that cause over-weight are consumption of convenience or fast food, and soft collar jobs. Due to busy lifestyle people are looking for quick solutions, therefore instead of the cooking, which takes much time, they simply eat instant food such as Maggie, or order on online platforms that deliver food in minutes. Moreover, the working style of the current generation has transformed drastically, the latest trend is that people are working in cabins that are provided to them for an entire day with less movement. Research shows that in India 60% of software employees are victims of obesity due to above two factors, hence, these major practices are the leading human towards unhealthy communities. Although the situation is as such, it is possible to overcome by abiding to certain measures. The governments can conduct awareness campaigns to make humans realise the risk of cholesterol and diabetes due to increase in fat in their bodies. For example, in Thailand, ‘ Kill Fat’ campaign was successful enough to encourage people to exercise which raised gym subscriptions by 25%. Also, the private organisations can promote physical fitness by providing amenities such as swimming pools and a gym for its employees. The best example that could support this idea is Dall & Smith, it is an organisation that has the best employees, they claim that the environment of their workplace has helped them to enhance better health, and in turn has improved their productivity. Thus governments and private organisations that urge wellness, will have healthy humans that can bring them fortune. In conclusion, Even though the authorities have potential to influence understanding of humans on physical health, it is imperative that individuals take responsibility of better health conditions and grab the opportunities around. Though the governments and other sectors are responsible to provide better atmosphere, it is human determination that helps to eradicate any illness may it be obesity or any other suffering.
The average percentage of obesity is showing incline
in contrast
to the well-being and physical fitness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which is falling. The increase in the rate of the heavy masses is the result of unhealthy lifestyle. This essay will
first
discuss the reasons which are contributors of illness, and
secondly
will state the initiatives that can
be adopted
to resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.

Firstly
, the primary two aspects that cause over-weight are consumption of convenience or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, and soft collar jobs. Due to busy lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are looking for quick solutions,
therefore
instead
of the cooking, which takes much time, they
simply
eat instant food such as Maggie, or order on online platforms that deliver food in minutes.
Moreover
, the working style of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation has transformed
drastically
, the latest trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working in cabins that
are provided
to them for an entire day with less movement. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in India 60% of software employees are victims of obesity due to above two factors,
hence
, these major practices are the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
towards unhealthy communities.

Although the situation is as such, it is possible to overcome by abiding to certain measures. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can conduct awareness campaigns to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cholesterol and diabetes due to increase in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in their bodies.
For example
, in Thailand, ‘ Kill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Fat
’ campaign was successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exercise which raised gym subscriptions by 25%.
Also
, the private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
can promote physical fitness by providing amenities such as swimming pools and a gym for its employees. The best example that could support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dall
& Smith, it is an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
that has the best employees, they claim that the environment of their workplace has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to enhance better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and in turn has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their productivity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
that urge wellness, will have healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
that can bring them fortune.

In conclusion
,
Even though
the authorities have potential to influence understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, it is imperative that individuals take responsibility of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions and grab the opportunities around. Though the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and other sectors are responsible to provide better atmosphere, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
determination that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to eradicate any illness may it be obesity or any other suffering.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Campus Construction Should Happen During the Summer---The woman expresses her opinion about the student's proposal. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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