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q6. The professor explains the importance of corn for American agriculture. Summarize his explanation. v.1

q6. The professor explains the importance of corn for American agriculture. Summarize his explanation. v. 1
In this day and age, a few people guarantee that what people eat in numerous Western nations is undesirable and that their diet is deteriorating. Critics state that these nations should change their eating routine. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this statement. Firstly, western diets is characterised by a high consumption of red and processed meats, high fat diary products, refined grains, and high-sugar drinks, etc. This type of meal has a negative effect on their health, they can have diabetes, heart disease as well as cancer. For example, a large number of people in the USA died because of their diet. Moreover, they can suffer from obesity because of their unhealthy meal. In fact, more than 600 million adults were obese globally via WHO and 2 billion adults were overweight by having Western meal. Secondly, Westerners diet can increase their risk of infection. For instance, in most of the foods eaten in Western nations, there are a bacteria which can kick-start an immune reaction and when people recognized, it will have gotten worse. What is more, their meal can cause cancer. For example, hundreds of people in Western nations have passed away because of the colon and prostate cancer. That is because of what they ate in their unhealthy meal. In my opinion, having a diet is good put try not to eat too much, just eat enough in order to absorb not too much nutrients. Thus, your health will be found. In a nutshell, the Westerner’s diet is completely harmful for their health which can cause lots of diseases. In my opinion, I believe that if they could change their diet in a more positive way, It would be more healthy.
In this day and age, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
guarantee that what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat in numerous Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is undesirable and that their diet is deteriorating. Critics state that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their eating routine. From my perspective, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, western diets is
Possible spelling mistake. 'characterised' is British English.
characterised
by a high consumption of red and processed meats, high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
diary products, refined grains, and high-sugar drinks, etc. This type of meal has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their health, they can have diabetes, heart disease
as well
as cancer.
For example
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their diet.
Moreover
, they can suffer from obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unhealthy meal. In fact, more than 600 million adults were obese globally via WHO and 2 billion adults were overweight by having Western meal.

Secondly
, Westerners diet can increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of infection.
For instance
, in most of the foods eaten in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, there are
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a bacterium" or simply "bacteria"?
a bacteria
which can kick-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
an immune reaction and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recognized, it will have gotten worse.
What is more
, their meal can cause cancer.
For example
, hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have passed away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the colon and prostate cancer.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of what they ate in their unhealthy meal.

In my opinion, having a diet is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
put try not to eat too much,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in order to absorb not too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
nutrients.
Thus
, your health will
be found
.

In a nutshell, the Westerner’s diet is completely harmful for their health which can cause lots of diseases. In my opinion, I believe that if they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their diet in a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way, It would be more healthy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q6. The professor explains the importance of corn for American agriculture. Summarize his explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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