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TPO 45 - Question 2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? ●Artists and musicians are important to a society. ●Use details and examples to explain your answer. v.1

TPO 45 - Question 2 ●Artists and musicians are important to a society. ●. v. 1
Few human believe that, senior citizens should not be able to the job after the age of 65. However, some say that, people have to work after retirement. Therefore, ahead of my opinion and both the views are discussed further. To begin with, in some country humankinds only allowed to work limitation around 65-years old. Because, they have to production approximate45 years in some government companies. For example, in India many companies should Grant to assignment for any age limit, such as: GSFC, ONGC, RIL, and also, management like, railway, SBI bank, and so on. In addition, this is a good decision through the administration, because, most of the person's have not lived with families for the earning money. Therefore, at the elderly lifetime, they spend more time with her/his parents and children. And, behind the life stress free as compared to the younger liveliness. On the other hand, nowadays most of the community performance for a long duration. Because, the lack of financial problem as well as imagined to the big dreams. For insurance, people buy a new house, a luxurious car and so on. As a result, take the home loan and before the period to fill these loans. So, they are most of the spell spend in their profession area. Furthermore, citizens, mental power full also physically better. In conclusion, in my opinion people should not allowed to labour after the age of 65. On the contrary, dreams are big and loans took, therefore, filled up to the money before extent limit.
Few human believe that, senior citizens should not be able to the job after the age of 65.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work after retirement.
Therefore
, ahead of my opinion and both the views
are discussed
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country
Possible spelling mistake found.
humankinds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
Did you mean "working"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to work
limitation around 65-years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
production approximate45 years in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should Grant to assignment for any age limit, such as:
Possible spelling mistake found.
GSFC
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ONGC
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
RIL
, and
also
, management like, railway, SBI bank, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision through the administration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, most of the person's have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with families for the earning money.
Therefore
, at the elderly lifetime, they spend more time with her/his parents and children. And, behind the life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free as compared to the younger liveliness.

On the other hand
, nowadays most of the community performance for a long duration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the lack of financial problem
as well
as imagined to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
dreams. For insurance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, a luxurious car and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
As a result
, take the home loan and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the period to fill these loans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they are most of the spell spend in their profession area.
Furthermore
, citizens, mental power full
also
physically
better.

In conclusion
, in my opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "allow"
allowed
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
after the age of 65.
On the contrary
, dreams are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and loans took,
therefore
, filled up to the money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
extent limit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 45 - Question 2 ●Artists and musicians are important to a society. ●. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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