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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend 40 minutes on this task. v.1

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 1
In this contemporary era, science and technology are more valued than music and art. In my opinion, equal importance must be given to specialists of both domain. Advancement in automation has produced comfort in human life. However, innovative ideas and new experiments are still needed in this field. Therefore, this speciality must be highly valued. As an illustration, owing to scarcity of, it experts in pakistan, few national experts were offered high income to revolutionize it sector. In addition, scientists desrve respect and high status in society, as they devote major proportion of their life to the betterment of mankind. For instance, scientists spend many months in space, living apart from their family to explore and to acquire knowledge space to glorify and to create ease in human population. Therefore, it is vital to consider people from such areas, important. Although modern society welcome and value specialists from science and technology, the hardwork of musicians and artists can not be denied. As they comfort human soul by producing positive impact on spiritual level. To illustrate, statistics revelead, due to the pleasing sound of various instruments, a major improvement was not in psychiatric patients. Furthermore, art creates awarness among masses as it is the effective way to convey your message through creativity. In other words, sharmeen, a noble prize winner, from pakistan, portrayed the positive image of women and highlighted the domistic violence issue. Hence, the role of the experts from music and art is undenieable. To conclude, owing to modernization, sciene and technology is considered vital in this era. In my view, the role of experts from science, technology music and arts must be considered equal in society.
In this contemporary era, science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more valued than music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. In my opinion, equal importance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to specialists of both domain.

Advancement in automation has produced comfort in human life.
However
, innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and new experiments are
still
needed in this field.
Therefore
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'speciality' is British English.
speciality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
highly
valued. As an illustration, owing to scarcity of, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pakistan
, few national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
were offered
high income to revolutionize it sector.
In addition
, scientists
Possible spelling mistake found.
desrve
respect and high status in society, as they devote major proportion of their life to the betterment of mankind.
For instance
, scientists spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
months in space, living apart from their family to explore and to acquire knowledge space to glorify and to create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
in human population.
Therefore
, it is vital to consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from such areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Although modern society welcome and value specialists from science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
of musicians and artists can not
be denied
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they comfort human soul by producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on spiritual level. To illustrate, statistics
Possible spelling mistake found.
revelead
, due to the pleasing sound of various instruments, a major improvement was not in psychiatric patients.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
creates
Possible spelling mistake found.
awarness
among masses as it is the effective way to convey your message through creativity.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sharmeen
, a noble prize winner, from
Possible spelling mistake found.
pakistan
, portrayed the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
image of women and highlighted the
Possible spelling mistake found.
domistic
violence issue.
Hence
, the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
from music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
undenieable
.

To conclude
, owing to modernization,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sciene
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is considered
vital in this era. In my view, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
from science,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
equal in society.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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