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54. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

54. The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Access to reliable and state of the art medical facilities is important for the people of any country. Advancement in medical treatment and medical technology has dramatically increased its cost over the last few years and has made it unaffordable for many people in the society. However, it is a primary duty of the state to take care of their people and provide them free health services. Firstly, it would be extremely difficult for unemployed and aged people to afford medical treatments in the absence of free health services. As they do not have any source of income, thus it makes them more susceptible to death in the case of illness. In addition to this, the government is responsible for the wellness of its citizens and therefore should take necessary actions to improve people's health by providing them lofty treatment without charging any single penny. Secondly, the health care services should be prioritising. People may have access to consultation and other general services without any restrictions. It is their legitimate right given by the government, to avail quality medical treatment free of cost. However, some disease such as cancer and heart attack are more vulnerable and demand more attention and care, thus making its treatment more expensive. Hence, free access to more specialises and expensive treatment may need some restrictions and should need some legislation to select limited patients because of excessive cost involved. To sum up, I would like to say that health is the primary constituent of people's lives. Therefore, it should be funded and supported by government to provide better health services to their citizens without charging them.
Access to reliable and state of the art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of any country. Advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
technology has
dramatically
increased its cost over the last few years and has made it unaffordable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
However
, it is a primary duty of the state to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and provide them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services.

Firstly
, it would be
extremely
difficult for unemployed and aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
in the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. As they do not have any source of income,
thus
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more susceptible to death in the case of illness.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is responsible for the wellness of its citizens and
therefore
should take necessary actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by providing them lofty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
without charging any single penny.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may have access to consultation and other general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
without any restrictions. It is their legitimate right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, to avail quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease such as cancer and heart attack are more vulnerable and demand more attention and care,
thus
making its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
more expensive.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
access to more
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialises' is British English.
specialises
and expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
may need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions and should need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
legislation to select limited patients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of excessive cost involved.

To sum up, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is the primary constituent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, it should
be funded
and supported by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to their citizens without charging them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 54. The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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