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TPO 20 - Question 5Briefly summarize the woman’s problem, then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.1

TPO 20 - Question 5Briefly summarize the woman’s problem, then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1
Child labour is often at the top of the agenda throughout the world as the leading problem in the 21st century. This essay will explore how poverty and poor education system are the root cause of this concern, and through providing free education and controlling inflation this problem can be curtailed. There are multiple causes of this menace. Firstly, one of the biggest reasons behind this concern is that nowadays, people are striving hard to make the both ends meet. As it has been become difficult for a single person to run a family, so people induce pressure on children to escape from this plight. Take an example of India, where the national census of 2019 estimated that an alarming proportion of children are engaged in hazardous occupations. Thus, poor economic condition of families can be considered as the fueling force behind child labour. Secondly, another leading cause of this issue is expensive education. Since the education charges are burgeoning every year, many students are unable to pay school fee, so they prefer to work part-time to pursue their studies. For instance, a report published in the Daily Times in UK revealed that each year many school going children engage themselves in laborious professions to bear education expenses. Hence, hefty school fees can be considered as a breeding ground for child exploitation. However, there are certain viable measures that can be taken to curb this problem. The primary solution would be to control the prices of basic commodities. If the prices were lower, than it would be easy for families to become self-sufficient, and they will not pressurize children to do the work. Furthermore, another effective solution I believe would be that government should shoulder the responsibility of a free education for deserving students. This way the children will remain focused on their studies rather than worrying about earning a fee to pay to institutes. To sum up, I believe that even though the higher school fees and poverty are widespread, but educational support program and controlling prices by the government this problem can be tackled
Child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
at the top of the agenda throughout the world as the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the 21st century. This essay will explore how poverty and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system are the root cause of this concern, and through providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and controlling inflation this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be curtailed
.

There are multiple causes of this menace.
Firstly
, one of the biggest reasons behind this concern is that nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. As it has
been become
difficult for a single person to run a family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
induce pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to escape from this plight. Take an example of India, where the national census of 2019 estimated that an alarming proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are engaged
in hazardous occupations.
Thus
, poor economic condition of families can
be considered
as the fueling force behind child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.

Secondly
, another leading cause of this issue is expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
charges are burgeoning every year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students are unable to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to work part-time to pursue their studies.
For instance
, a report published in the Daily Times in UK revealed that each year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engage themselves in laborious professions to bear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
expenses.
Hence
, hefty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
can
be considered
as a breeding ground for child exploitation.

However
, there are certain viable measures that can
be taken
to curb this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The primary solution would be to control the prices of basic commodities. If the prices were lower, than it would be easy for families to become self-sufficient, and they will not pressurize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do the work.
Furthermore
, another effective solution I believe would be that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should shoulder the responsibility of a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for deserving students. This way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will remain focused on their studies
rather
than worrying about earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
to pay to institutes.

To sum up, I believe that
even though
the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
and poverty are widespread,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
educational support program and controlling prices by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be tackled
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO 20 - Question 5Briefly summarize the woman’s problem, then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
345 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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