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Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v.4

Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v. 4
MANY REVOLUTION HAPPENING IN THIS CONTEMPORARY WORLD. HENCE, THIS MADE EASY AVAILABILITY OF THE NEWER EQUIPMENT THAT HAS REDUCED THE HUMAN WORK LOAD BY ANY MEAN. FIRSTLY, THIS EASY WILL DISCUSS HOW IT HAS MADE FAST PACE LIFE MORE EFFORTLESS AND SECONDLY, THE PRIME CONS BEHIND USING MODERN EQUIPMENT. ON THE ONE HAND, TODAY'S WAY OF WORKING IN ANY FIELD IS EFFORTLESS AS SINGLE MACHINE CAN ABLE TO DO 10 PEOPLE WORK WHICH WASIMPOSSIBLE DECADE AGO. FOR EXAMPLE, ONE COMPUTER COULD ABLE TO STORE ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF DATA IN IT WHICH CAN BE ACCESSIBLE AFTER A YEARS ALSO. THUS, THIS HAS DECLINED THE REQUIREMENT OF HAVING A PHYSICAL FORM OF STORAGE DEVICE LIKE PEN DRIVE. ON THE OTHER HAND, OVER USE OF MACHINE ABLE TO CAUSE VARIOUS HEALTH ISSUES SUCH AS OBESITY, HEART DISEASES, JOINT PROBLEMS AND SO ON. OWNING TO THE FACT THAT WHEN USE MACHIN FPR OUR REGYLAR WORK, WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO RELAX AND REST. AS A RESULT, OVERDOING THIS MAKE THEM ILL PERSON IN A LONG TERM DUE TO LACK OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. FOR INSTANCE, BRITAN HOUSEHOLD SURVEY REVEALED THAT 80% OF THE CHORES HAVE BENN COMPLETING WITH THE MACHINES LIKE WAHSER, DRYER AND MOPPING THE FLOOR. THEREFORE, 70% OF ENGLAND WOMEN TEND TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM IN COMPARISON TO MEN. WHAT I BELIEVE IS THAT EVERY EQUIPMENT IS CONFERTABLE AND OPERATED BUT ONE SHOULD THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCE FO USING IT WHEN NOT NECESSARY TO DO SO. IN CONCLUSION, TECHNOLOGY INDEED DECREASED THE NUMEROUS WORK LOAD FOR EVERYBODY, HOWEVER, THERE ARE SOME SERIOUS CONS ASSOCIALTED WITH THE TECHNOLOGY WHICH SHOULD BE IN CONSIDERATION WHILE USING.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
REVOLUTION HAPPENING IN THIS CONTEMPORARY WORLD.
HENCE
, THIS MADE EASY AVAILABILITY OF THE NEWER EQUIPMENT THAT HAS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
REDUCED
THE HUMAN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
LOAD BY ANY MEAN.
FIRSTLY
, THIS EASY WILL DISCUSS HOW IT HAS MADE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAST
PACE LIFE MORE EFFORTLESS AND
SECONDLY
, THE PRIME CONS BEHIND USING MODERN EQUIPMENT.

ON THE ONE HAND,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S WAY OF WORKING IN ANY FIELD IS EFFORTLESS AS SINGLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MACHINE
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
CAN ABLE TO
DO 10
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
WHICH
Possible spelling mistake found.
WASIMPOSSIBLE
DECADE AGO.
FOR EXAMPLE
, ONE COMPUTER COULD ABLE TO STORE ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF DATA IN IT WHICH CAN BE ACCESSIBLE AFTER A YEARS
ALSO
.
THUS
, THIS HAS DECLINED THE REQUIREMENT OF HAVING A PHYSICAL FORM OF STORAGE DEVICE LIKE PEN DRIVE.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, OVER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MACHINE
ABLE TO CAUSE VARIOUS HEALTH ISSUES SUCH AS OBESITY, HEART DISEASES, JOINT PROBLEMS AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
ON. OWNING TO THE FACT THAT WHEN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
Possible spelling mistake found.
MACHIN
FPR OUR
Possible spelling mistake found.
REGYLAR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
, WE HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
PLENTY
OF TIME TO RELAX AND REST.
AS A RESULT
, OVERDOING THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
THEM ILL PERSON IN A LONG TERM DUE TO LACK OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
FOR INSTANCE
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
BRITAN
HOUSEHOLD SURVEY REVEALED THAT 80% OF THE CHORES HAVE
Possible spelling mistake found.
BENN
COMPLETING WITH THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MACHINES
LIKE
Possible spelling mistake found.
WAHSER
, DRYER AND MOPPING THE FLOOR.
THEREFORE
, 70% OF ENGLAND WOMEN TEND TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM
IN COMPARISON
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MEN
.

WHAT I BELIEVE IS THAT EVERY EQUIPMENT IS
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONFERTABLE
AND OPERATED
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ONE SHOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCE FO USING IT WHEN NOT NECESSARY TO DO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
.

IN CONCLUSION
, TECHNOLOGY
INDEED
DECREASED THE NUMEROUS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
LOAD FOR EVERYBODY,
HOWEVER
, THERE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
SERIOUS CONS
Possible spelling mistake found.
ASSOCIALTED
WITH THE TECHNOLOGY WHICH SHOULD BE IN CONSIDERATION WHILE USING.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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