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TPO 44 Writing IndependentSome people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things toge v.1

TPO 44 Writing IndependentSome people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things toge v. 1
In the modern era, parents have busy lives and have many responsibilities in their lives. The fact that they spend a lot of time at work has caused them to have less time to spend with their children. In this regard, parents make efforts to use their free time with their children in the best way. The controversial question which arises here is whether the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports or is doing things together which are related to children' s schoolwork. From my vantage point, parents should use the time to have fun with their children. In what follows, the most significant reasons will be explained. The first aspect to point out is that busy parents have hectic lives. As a result, when they are home, they need some time to relax and free their mind from all the stuff that occupies their whole day. Moreover, they might not have enough energy to spend time helping their children with assignments and homework. On the other hand, children need time with their families to be away from school issues and have fun. Therefore, doing activities such as playing games or sports would provide a chance for both parents and children to relieve their daily stress and enjoy entertainment. For instance, my friend and his father go to the gym every day and spend time together. This activity could be a good way for both to unleash their stress and have fun together. Furthermore, spending time with family playing games or sports would make provide a chance for family members to make their relationships stronger. Accordingly, children would become more comfortable. Over time, they regard their parents as their friends and in addition to getting emotional support, they can talk about their problems and the issues that have engaged their minds. But when parents just inspect the children' s school work, children don' t regard their parents as their friends and they may even hide things from their parents. For example, one of my friends spends time with his family watching TV or playing games. The reason that he spends his time having fun with his family rather than getting help for schoolwork has caused him to feel free to talk about his problems. That' s the reason he is a relaxed person because whenever he faces a problem, he discusses that with his parents and they would provide very constructive suggestions for him. To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that the most effective way to spend free time with children is having fun together. Although parents should devote some time to inspect their children' s schoolwork and help them in those areas, the most influential way is to spend time with their children doing fun activities. Not only does it help parents to relax and have fun, but also it makes children enjoy spending time with their family members and establish stronger relationships with their parents. Moreover, the children could feel more comfortable to talk about their problems with their parents, and parents would definitely provide constructive advice for them.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The fact that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work has caused them to have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this regard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the best way. The controversial question which arises here is whether the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or sports or is doing things together which
are related
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s schoolwork. From my vantage point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In what follows, the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

The
first
aspect to point out is that busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have hectic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
As a result
, when they are home, they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
their mind from all the stuff that occupies their whole day.
Moreover
, they might not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with assignments and homework.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to be away from school issues and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
.
Therefore
, doing activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or sports would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a chance for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to relieve their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and enjoy entertainment.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and his father go to the gym every day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together. This activity could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for both to unleash their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
together.

Furthermore
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or sports would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their relationships stronger.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become more comfortable. Over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they regard their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
in addition
to getting emotional support, they can talk about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and the issues that have engaged their minds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
inspect the
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s school work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t regard their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
things from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
watching TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
rather
than getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for schoolwork has caused him to feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to talk about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
he is a relaxed person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
whenever he faces a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, he discusses that with his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
constructive suggestions for him.

To recapitulate, all aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
lead us to the fact that the most effective way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
together. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to inspect their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s schoolwork and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in those areas, the most influential way is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
activities. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to relax and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and establish stronger relationships with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could feel more comfortable to talk about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
constructive advice for them.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
101Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 44 Writing IndependentSome people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things toge v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
522 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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