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TPO 51 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 51 Writing Independent Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
In the modern era, movies and television play a pivotal role in broadcasting news, information, and other programs. Many people spend significant time watching their favorite programs on TV, especially young people who may devote several hours watching football games, movies and so on. Therefore, these programs could have noticeable impacts, whether positive or negative, on their lives behavior. The controversial question which arises here is whether movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. From my vantage point, the positive effects of the media outweigh their negative effects. In what follows, the most important reasons will be explained. The first aspect to point out is that most young people look for ways to spend their free time and watching television is a decent choice. Watching movies and television together with their family members or friends not only could provide a chance to fill their free time and have fun and entertainment, but also enables them to relieve their stress and establish stronger relationships with their parents. For instance, my parents have hectic lives, and they spend a lot of time at work. Even when they are home, they are busy with their own works. But, things are different when we watch TV. Watching a late night show together will gather all of us together and will strengthen our relationship by getting us to laugh together about the jokes and talk about different issues. Afterwards, since all of us are together, I can talk about my problems at school and they can give me some advice which could be very instructive and helpful. Furthermore, watching television would provide an opportunity for young people to follow the news in a short time without which they have to spend a lot of time reading different newspapers and sources. Moreover, through television, they might see videos from different parts of the world which are related to the news. Therefore, television could offer a better way of attaining worldwide news. Moreover, some instructions about social issues and behaviors could be trained through television. For example, some programs involving some points about sanitation, social behaviors at public places, and so on could teach young people to behave in acceptable ways. This method is even more helpful than the programs held at schools which teach appropriate behaviors to students. Also, there might be some documentaries about different topics including science, technology, social and political issues which could be really fruitful by training young people to become more knowledgeable about various subjects. To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that movies and television involve more positive impacts on the way young people think and behave. Although there might be some movies or television programs which promote harmful thoughts and behaviors, most of the programs usually serve influential ways to provide fun and entertainment for people. Moreover, some programs broadcast scientific documentaries as well as news or other programs which could be extremely informative for young individuals.
In the modern era,
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movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
play a pivotal role in broadcasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, information, and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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spend
significant
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time
watching their favorite
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programs
on TV,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who may devote several hours watching football games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
could have noticeable impacts, whether
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positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. The controversial question which arises here is whether
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movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave. From my vantage point, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects of the media outweigh their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. In what follows, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

The
first
aspect to point out is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a decent choice. Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
together with their family members or friends not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could provide a chance to fill their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and have fun and entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enables them to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and establish stronger relationships with their parents.
For instance
, my parents have hectic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work. Even when they are home, they are busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
works.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, things are
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different
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV. Watching a late night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
together will gather all of us together and will strengthen our relationship by getting us to laugh together about the jokes and talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
issues. Afterwards, since all of us are together, I can talk about my problems at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they can give me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice which could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
instructive and helpful.

Furthermore
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
would provide an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
newspapers and sources.
Moreover
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
videos from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world which
are related
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could offer a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of attaining worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instructions about social issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
could
be trained
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
involving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points about sanitation, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
at public places, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on could teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to behave in acceptable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. This method is even more helpful than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
held at schools which teach appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
to students.
Also
, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
documentaries about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
topics including science, technology, social and political issues which could be
really
fruitful by training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become more knowledgeable about various subjects.

To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
involve more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and behave. Although there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which promote harmful thoughts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
usually
serve influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to provide fun and entertainment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
broadcast scientific documentaries
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which could be
extremely
informative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 51 Writing Independent Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
500 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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