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TPO-44 - Independent Writing Task Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing th v.1

TPO-44 - Independent Writing Task Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing th v. 1
Certain individuals think that the age of retirement should not be fixed for everyone, and they should have the flexibility to decide at which age they want to retire. In my opinion, I agree that there should be an option for everyone to choose at what age retirement should be taken, as the nature of the job and health condition differs for everyone. Firstly, the nature of the job can create more physical stress or mental stress. For example, a person working as a carpenter will have to do all the work physically, on the other hand, someone who works as an accountant in a bank, has to use his mind to finish the work. In both the cases, the urge to retire differs, as they are exposed to different kind of difficulties. Also, at the age of 55, someone may find that their health is not co-operating with the work schedule, whereas I have seen some people working at the age of 70, even after their retirement from a government job. For example, cricket players retire at 40, because they will not be physically fit to play cricket matches which obviously needs more energy. Secondly, many people really want a break to spend some quality time with their grandchildren, or to stay with their children who live abroad. Mostly, an average individual starts working at the age of 22, and there is no relaxation in the middle. They have to continue working for their parents, spouse and children. Eventually, when they are 50, that is, after 28 years of working, they will feel like quitting their job and spending their time for family. An Oxford University study says that the average age of a person is 60. In that case, people should be given an opportunity to decide when to want to take their retirement as, one of the spouses may pass away in the meantime, which will result in no satisfaction of the retirement life. They will lose their partner when they are working and finally, when they reach the retirement period, they may end up being alone. Finally, I would like to conclude that everyone's struggle in life is different and each individual is running in a different race. So, they should have the freedom to choose how and when their retirement life should start, especially, whom they want to spend it with. After all, a person who is responsible throughout his life and helps the development of the family in all the ways, should be given a considerable amount of time to relax and focus on his own life.
Certain individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
for everyone, and they should have the flexibility to decide at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to retire. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there should be an option for everyone to choose at what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
should
be taken
, as the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and health condition differs for everyone.

Firstly
, the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can create more physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as a carpenter will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
physically
,
on the other hand
, someone who works as an accountant in a bank,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his mind to finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In both the cases, the urge to retire differs, as they
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of difficulties.
Also
, at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 55, someone may find that their health is not co-operating with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule, whereas I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 70, even after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, cricket players retire at 40,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not be
physically
fit to play cricket matches which
obviously
needs more energy.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
a break to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their grandchildren, or to stay with their children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
abroad.
Mostly
, an average individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 22, and there is no relaxation in the middle. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for their parents, spouse and children.
Eventually
, when they are 50,
that is
, after 28 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, they will feel like quitting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and spending their time for family. An Oxford University study says that the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of a person is 60.
In that case
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to decide when to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
as, one of the spouses may pass away in the meantime, which will result in no satisfaction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They will lose their partner when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and
finally
, when they reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
period, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being alone.

Finally
, I would like
to conclude
that everyone's struggle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and each individual is running in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
race.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they should have the freedom to choose how and when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
,
especially
, whom they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to spend it with.
After all
, a person who is responsible throughout his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the development of the family in all the ways, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a considerable amount of time to relax and focus on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay TPO-44 - Independent Writing Task Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing th v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
433 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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