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whether or not university students must be forced to get history courses regardless to their fields v.1

whether or not university students must be forced to get history courses regardless to their fields v. 1
These days, with the advancement of intercontinental transportation, people are reaching the edges of the earth. Tourism is also on the high, with countries opening their borders for people. However, with the increase of tourists, there can be a huge destruction to the monuments and the areas nearby, which is often leading to the ban of many ancient sites to tourists. I completely disagree with idea and in this essay I support my opinion. Firstly, mother nature has many natural sites along with historic monuments and ancient masterpieces, which define legacy of the country they belong to. With the rise of people to visit these sites, there is always a danger of destruction. For example, In the middle of the Sahara desert there used to be a tree, which was hit by an angry car driver making the area treeless. These kind of rare landmarks must to be protected properly in order to avoid any bad consequences. Furthermore, the areas which have more cultural significance for centuries are forced to change their culture in order to attract the tourists. For instance, the Jarwa tribe in the Andaman and Nicobar Islands are untouched for centuries, but due to the influx of tourists their culture is being affected. Moreover, some tourists are not disciplined, what I mean by this is that humans in order to take photos, often do unusual movements damaging the surroundings marking the way for banning, but all the issues can be resolved by minimizing tourists or by adding extra protective methods. For example, Bhutan allows only a limited number of tourists to enter the country to protect the heritage. On the other side, there are many countries which completely depend on tourism like the Carribean. Due to the huge dependency on tourist income, banning tourists can lead to a downfall of the nation's economy. Additionally, with the help of tourism, the outside world can get to know more about the problems and challenges faced by the native population. For example, without the media and tourists, it is very difficult to know about the tribes of the Congo. Finally, many countries due to high significance or more importance of the site, add restrictions to tourists like banning photography or avoiding them touch. These decisions helped many countries to preserve historic places and tourism. To sum up, despite having significant importance to certain areas, they should not be banned completely. Instead, authorities should add extra security measures to preserve them. In my opinion, many problems related to local people are evident to the outside world because of tourism, moreover, there is also a possibility that people find new things when they reach new environments hence, tourism should not be banned.
These days, with the advancement of intercontinental transportation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reaching the edges of the earth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
is
also
on the high, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
opening their borders for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, with the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, there can be a huge destruction to the monuments and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
nearby, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leading to the ban of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. I completely disagree with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay I support my opinion.

Firstly
, mother nature has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
along with historic monuments and ancient masterpieces, which define legacy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they belong to. With the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, there is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of destruction.
For example
, In the middle of the Sahara desert there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a tree, which
was hit
by an angry car driver making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
treeless.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of rare landmarks
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
be protected
properly
in order to avoid any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
which have more cultural significance for centuries
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their culture in order to attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jarwa
tribe in the Andaman and Nicobar Islands
are untouched
for centuries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the influx of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
their culture is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are not disciplined, what I mean by this is that humans in order to take photos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do unusual movements damaging the surroundings marking the way for banning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all the issues can
be resolved
by minimizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
or by adding extra protective methods.
For example
, Bhutan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to protect the heritage.

On the other side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which completely depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
like the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Carribean
. Due to the huge dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
income, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can lead to a downfall of the nation's economy.
Additionally
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, the outside world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more about the problems and challenges faced by the native population.
For example
, without the media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to know about the tribes of the Congo.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to high significance or more importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
restrictions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
like banning photography or avoiding them touch. These decisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to preserve historic places and tourism.

To sum up, despite having significant importance to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, they should not
be banned
completely.
Instead
, authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
extra security measures to preserve them. In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems related to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are evident to the outside world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
,
moreover
, there is
also
a possibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find new things when they reach new environments
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
should not
be banned
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay whether or not university students must be forced to get history courses regardless to their fields v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
450 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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